


A Home You Never Knew How to Have

by DarkPoisonousLove



Series: Dance of Devotion [1]
Category: Winx Club
Genre: (in the best way possible), (yeah i can't believe it either), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, BDSM, Biting, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Domme Griffin, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Finger Sucking, Fondling, Friendship, Guilt, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Insecurity, Kneeling, Mind Games, Mindfuck, Multi, Orgasm, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV Multiple, Riding, Romance, Scratching, Sexual Content, Smut, Sub Valtor, Vaginal Fingering, also known as the Domme AU, humping, past trauma, self-deprecation, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 38,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24880705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPoisonousLove/pseuds/DarkPoisonousLove
Summary: Valtor’s never had the warmth and trust of home before he met Griffin. He has enough faith in her to have her be his Domme but outside the clearly defined nature of that part of their relationship he has to be careful not to slice his heart in pieces on the jagged edges of his insecurities. Can he find his way to her when she’s lost in her own blurred lines of love and fear?
Relationships: Griffin/Valtor | Baltor (Winx Club)
Series: Dance of Devotion [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800337
Comments: 10
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Read the tags if you haven't!)
> 
> I have been writing this since March (and I can't say I have gotten very far in that as it was an on/off process) as it was conceived in February right before a final (because that seems to be the best time to come up with these things) and I am excited to start posting it as it has developed a comprehensible structure and is starting to resemble an actual story along its chapters (despite the fact that it was supposed to be a one-shot).
> 
> There will be a companion fic (and some side fics as well) which will give some further insight into things and provide more perspective on both Griffin and Valtor's side. I am trying to keep it as a sort of an "extra" material that is not necessary for the understanding of this main storyline but I have not really done the main fic/companion fic duality before so there could be some mishaps on that front. Please feel free to ask if any aspect of this fic needs further clarification.
> 
> Now I have not yet completely decided on everything that this fic will include so I will give warnings at the note of every chapter and will update the tags accordingly. I, personally, don't think I will delve into anything too heavy in THIS fic (that may not hold true for the rest of the series) but everyone has different tastes so, please, make sure to have read the tags and approached them responsibly.
> 
> And lastly, as I mentioned, this is not a complete work so updates may end up with huge gaps between them. The story is more character driven, however, and the lack of plot and (big) cliffhangers will, hopefully, be merciful to the readers even if I do end up needing to go on a hiatus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, specifically, does not contain any sexual content. Just a bit of scratching, D/s dynamic and mentions of sex toys and ruined orgasm.

Valtor sighed out all the air the flooding relief was pushing out of him as he parked the car in front of the small pizza place he found his way to every Tuesday. He couldn’t resist the pull of the knowledge that he wouldn’t be alone if he went there. At least two of his friends were bound to be there at that time and more often than not it was all four of them waiting for him after a long and tiring day to relax together and remind each other they had support, and he valued that.

He was still unsure of how he’d become a part of their group when all he’d known of friendship before that had been sneaking out past curfew or stealing a couple of snacks from a gas station that later became a source of conflict when it had to be divided amongst the members of the operation but he wasn’t going to question it and challenge the universe to take it away. He could take care of that well enough on his own and he had to do his best not to push away the only true friends he’d ever had.

He pushed the thought away, wishing he could pull it out of his mind with the ease he pulled his tie off of himself with but he’d never been good at freeing himself from emotional baggage. So he settled for freeing himself a bit more literally and opened the first two buttons of his shirt to feel his professional facade loosen its hold on him a bit and allow the human being to come out now that he knew it would be met with a warm smile and welcoming words.

He walked into the small establishment reveling in the atmosphere of the place. It was so organic, so cozy, and he was glad it had become their place for meetings–on Tuesdays; on Fridays they went to a fancier restaurant and it was always all of them unlike here where it was whoever managed to make it that week–with how casual it was. It had surprised him a bit at first because Faragonda he could picture at a place like that even if it took a little effort, but Marion and Oritel definitely didn’t seem like they belonged there. Funnily enough since they were the reason they would all gather there.

The owners’ girl–Selina–was friends with their daughter and they’d started frequenting the place to give the two girls opportunities to meet. Later they’d dragged all the rest of them there and it had become their hangout.

It was still surreal to him that he had a friend group even if it had been some time now and he was glad to see they were all there because it helped his heart rest easy with the knowledge it was true. And so did the vigorous greeting he got from all of them. It made him feel wanted somewhere and he had to make sure to deflect his own attention to something else because it would quickly become overwhelming otherwise, possibly to the point of tears now that he was already drained of the energy he would normally put in keeping himself collected.

He plopped himself down in the booth they occupied–next to Oritel–without any grace but none of them seemed to care or judge which was still the default reaction he expected from people. In all honesty, it would’ve made sense since Faragonda was always careful both in her words and actions but then again that was why she would never reprimand for something so insignificant even if she cared. Marion he was sure could never be anything but poised and graceful but she was also too kind and contained to make a petty comment like that. Oritel was a klutz himself–something Bloom had inherited–even if he would never admit it and they had a silent understanding of not teasing each other about that. And Hagen just simply didn’t care and would never be caught paying attention to details like that. So really, he was safe from criticism and he wished his mind would just get used to that instead of making his heart leap in panic at the most simple action he himself perceived as being wrong for whatever reason.

“How was work today?” Faragonda asked, the optimism in her gaze making him regret what he had to tell her because she always cared how he was doing and wished the best for him and he always had to disappoint her.

“An exhausting nightmare,” Valtor huffed despite trying his best to keep his annoyance to a minimum. He didn’t like talking about his work once he was finally free of it but he also didn’t want to discourage her from asking. It was good to know someone cared enough to do that and he was grateful for the sympathy that always surfaced in her at his answer instead of disappointment with his negativity or annoyance that he was burdening her with his problems. But that was because the question wasn’t just superficial and she really wanted to know.

“A statement I can relate to,” Marion said, her voice controlled but it was still surprising she let it out.

Valtor had a clear idea of just what hell she was going through and yet it was still startling to have her admit it. She didn’t really complain, meeting every problem with her head held high and her spine straight like nothing could make her bend no matter how hard it pushed. He admired her for the strength. He wished he could handle his own issues with that much dignity instead of losing his temper, sometimes at the smallest of things.

“This is shaping up to be a tough week for all of us, huh?” Hagen said before downing at least half of his soda.

He was lucky to have a great support system as Faragonda’s hand was immediately on his arm, rubbing soothingly. She didn’t manage to do much as he caught it, though, but holding her hand was probably even more calming for him. Valtor knew how strong of an effect holding the hand of someone who cares about you could have on his own nerves.

“We should have a real celebration on Friday once we make it out of this low then,” Oritel suggested and Valtor was already nodding in agreement.

He would be more than happy to send that week into the oblivion living behind his back where most of his memories went when he didn’t want them in his head. It would be the best way to mark the end of his suffering–at least for the weekend–with his friends before going home for a private celebration.

“We might just have the reason for that,” Faragonda said before giving him a smug smile.

“What?” Valtor asked, feeling anticipation grip at him which was rather surprising when he’d expected anxiousness instead. But he didn’t feel worried. Not exactly. Even when he knew she was going to start poking at some aspect of his personal life. But then again that was the point of friendship, no? Sharing with your closest people. And they’d proven again and again that he had no reason to hide from them. Not that he’d been doing it on purpose. He just hadn’t thought it was the time yet to share with them. He wasn’t certain there was anything to share currently, really.

“You have a gift,” she said, nodding towards him and sending a wave of confusion his way that washed over him a bit aggressively with its demand of him to think when he was already exhausted.

He looked down to see a lipstick mark peeking from under the fabric of the shirt now that he’d unbuttoned it some more. He remembered the touch of lips against his skin that morning when she’d helped him get dressed. She’d marked him hers. He’d worn her lipstick all day without knowing it and now that he did, he wished he’d been aware of it. It would’ve given him some strength and motivation to get through the day when he knew she was waiting for him to come back home where he could be hers openly. Although, it might have been counterproductive since he would’ve had trouble keeping his mind out of the memories of the pleasure he got when lost in the caresses of her mouth. He was getting distracted even now which could prove dangerous, what, with the knowing looks his friends were giving him.

“You should have us meet her,” Marion said and, of course, she would choose right now of all times to be nosy when she always respected his personal space and kept from sticking her nose in his business. Even Oritel was more curious than her but the idea of a woman in his life seemed to prove too irresistible even to her not to prod. He had to admit he understood the temptation of the thought.

“Who?” he asked, playing dumb but he would do anything for Griffin’s sake and comfort. She was a private person and they hadn’t really talked about going public. He wasn’t sure there was even anything to go public about. They hadn’t officially said they were in a relationship and while he didn’t care about that as long as he got to wake up in her arms, he wasn’t certain how he could introduce her to his friends. What they did only concerned the two of them and definitely wasn’t something that either of them was ready or willing to share.

“Your mystery woman,” Oritel nudged his shoulder, startling him with the realization of just how excited they were at the prospect of him being in a relationship. “The one you’ve been hiding from us,” Oritel said, almost sending a pang of guilt through Valtor before he remembered he had the right to decide with how much he wanted to trust them.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said as he moved to button his shirt to keep their eyes off of Griffin’s traces over him. He appreciated their enthusiasm, really. But he didn’t know how Griffin would react to any of it. So he didn’t want to reveal anything that she could be opposed to them knowing. He would try to play it off as a one-night stand but he couldn’t make himself say those words when he was talking about a night he’d spent with her. She was so much more important to him that he couldn’t refer to her like that even in pretense. It would be demeaning.

“Yeah, right,” Hagen snorted. “That’s why you tucked her lipstick stain safely away from our prying eyes,” he said and Valtor really didn’t appreciate the sass. Or maybe it was how close Hagen was to the truth that stung. “If she didn’t mean anything, you would’ve already made that known,” Hagen said, this time seriously as he looked him in the eyes and Valtor knew he’d been caught red-handed.

“Okay, fine,” he did his best not to huff his frustration at them since the pressure he was feeling wasn’t their fault. They just wanted to know and he usually had to be pressed a little to give any details other than his vague responses. “There is someone, yes,” he relented because he didn’t want to keep pretending Griffin didn’t exist when she made him glad he was alive. And he was starting to feel bad for not trusting them when they obviously deserved it since they cared enough to learn how to tell what was going on with him. “But I haven’t talked to her about introducing her to you so I can’t tell you anything yet,” he said, trying his best to explain without revealing things about their relationship but also without offending his friends. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them to know. He’d be thrilled to get her to meet them, see the other important people in his life, but he didn’t know if she’d want that.

“We get it,” Marion said and the rest nodded in support which he had to admit surprised him a bit.

He’d kinda expected them to start insisting he gave them at least some details and he scolded himself for having no trust in their respect for his privacy. They’d always been supportive and understanding when he’d shown he didn’t want to talk on a topic. They’d left him alone when it came to his childhood. Of course, they’d be respectful now too.

“We also want to know that you’re happy and be happy for you,” Marion said as she extended her arm towards him making Oritel lean back a little to allow her the space to do so.

“I know,” Valtor said as he took her hand, amazed to feel how naturally and easily he fit in the group just like the words had come out of his mouth without any resistance. “I am happy,” he said, knowing it was true but still surprised he’d said it without the fear of him losing what he had taking over him. The stress and burden of work and his past were big monsters indeed but it couldn’t get in the way of the joy he felt when he saw Griffin’s face, when he felt her wrap her arms around him and heard her voice whisper things in his ears. “And I’d love to share it with you but when the time is right,” he said, his own words plunging him into deep contemplation.

Why wasn’t the time right currently? He hadn’t talked to Griffin yet. But that was easily fixable. He just had to gather the courage and ask her. And of course, that was where the problem started.

What if he was making it more than she wanted it to be? To him it was so much to trust her the way he did and he was terrified of that being diminished. The bond they shared was the most special thing he’d ever had in his life which would’ve sounded far more impressive if his life had had anything good in it before her but he knew it wasn’t just how deprived of affection he’d been that made him want her so much. She was incredible with her gentleness and the care she took of him and he never wanted to lose that.

Was he doing himself any good by keeping that from her, though? She could read him easily but he knew she wouldn’t just assume that she had that big of a role in his life. Not when she refused to guess something as simple and harmless as his sexual desires even when they were obvious. He had to tell her if he wanted her to know. And he wanted her to know. His feelings wouldn’t change based on her reaction. So it was a matter of turning to look at what he could gain rather than at what he could lose. It was something he was usually good at when he didn’t have anything he held dear in the past but this time... He could lose her. She could decide to leave if she didn’t return his feelings.

Could he hope she felt the same for him that he did for her? What reason would she have to? Sure, she was always so attentive and careful but that he could–and would–ascribe to her kind nature and not to the fact that he made her want to treat him in a special way. She was with him, she’d been for almost a year now, but she hadn’t indicated she wanted more from their relationship than their current arrangement. And he hadn’t either, yet he did. How could he figure out what she wanted if he couldn’t read her like she did with him?

He couldn’t. All that was left was to trust her feelings, which he did. But it wasn’t so easy to get over his distrust of his own worthiness despite her countless attempts to replace the criticism the world had subjected him to with her own tenderness in his head.

Valtor did his best to focus on his driving so that he could get home safely where the question of whether to ask or not to ask could keep tormenting him. At least he’d still have the opportunity to have her all to himself if he managed to remain in one piece by the time he got there. And that was a very tempting motivator.

He managed without accidents except for the one still in the back of his mind and did his best to collect himself before entering his apartment. He didn’t want to force them into the conversation if he wasn’t ready and she was so good at telling when something was troubling him. She’d know instantly if he didn’t put in the effort to keep it from her.

She was there just like he knew she’d be–she practically lived with him but, in all fairness, their activities kind of necessitated that–and the place smelled of jasmine. It was her favorite tea to brew for him as she said it helped calm his nervous system and clear his mind and he hadn’t found a reason to argue with her. He always felt charged and ready for the next day when she served him a cup of it in the evening. But of course, it could be her presence that had that effect on him.

She usually cooked for him–for both of them–too, but on Tuesdays he ate out with his friends. He would’ve actually preferred one of her home cooked meals but he’d been trying to save face with his friends. Not that that had worked out, and he still had no idea whether to go for the obvious solution to the newly arisen problem.

“Welcome home,” Griffin greeted as she came out of the dining room, her hair down from the updo she wore it in for work and spilling over her shoulders, contrasting to the dark green of her camisole that was slightly oversized and barely covered her body, leaving her legs exposed to his gaze. And to his touch when she allowed it.

She could relax when she slipped in it and he would never protest against her comfort, but he had even less reason to do so when she looked so good in it. It made him want to wrap her in his arms and he was lucky that she was reading his mind as she came close and had her arms around his neck, pressing into him to make the stress drain from his body.

“I’ve made jasmine tea to help you relax,” she said as if he hadn’t learned to recognize the scent by now and his mind didn’t associate it instantly with rest in her arms. “But first, take off your clothes,” she let her voice drop to that seductive low he was sure was illegal for it to reside in as she leaned in closer, tempting him to kiss her but that wasn’t what she’d told him to do.

He pulled away begrudgingly, her arms opening to let him follow her instructions, and took off his suit jacket, handing it to her when she extended her arm. She hated it when he just threw his clothes on the floor or on various pieces of furniture and preferred to take them from him, taking her time folding them while she left him to stew in anticipation for a while. He had a love-hate relationship with that tactic depending on the day and how she’d follow it up but, of course, he trusted her judgment and left himself in her hands to marvel at the results.

“How did it go with your friends? Did you have fun?” she asked, skipping over work since she could probably tell how that had gone from the energy–or rather lack of thereof–of his movements. Her eyes were on him, following his every action and dissolving the pressure the day had piled on him.

He just wished to sink in her gaze and lie there for eternity. A desire only reinforced when she bit her lip at the sight of the lipstick mark she’d left on him that morning that was still there and it made his heart race a little bit under it and to the left. She wanted him, enjoyed the thought of him being hers, and there was nothing faked in that, he knew it. And the way she treated him out of the bedroom made him think it extended to the rest of their lives, too, that she wanted to be with him, not just be his dominatrix.

“I need to talk to you about something, Griffin,” he said, attempting to contain the nervousness shooting through him and speak calmly to not alert her but he wasn’t really sure to what extent he was succeeding. He couldn’t quite tell how he sounded through his pulse pounding in his ears.

Her teeth worried her lip for a moment longer betraying his failure to keep the atmosphere from turning restless before she spoke. “Of course.” She took his shirt from him too. “Let’s relocate to the bedroom, though. Unless that would be a problem?” she asked, her eyes searching his face for any signs of what was going on so that she’d know how to navigate the situation and not overstep.

“No, not at all,” he was quick to reassure, or at least he hoped that that was what his words did for her. He couldn’t really tell when he handed her his trousers, his shoes kicked away to the side, since she was so collected.

It wasn’t unusual for her to make him wonder how she kept her composure not only at the sound of his zipper but also as he dropped his underwear to the floor when he was getting all excited the moment she indicated she was taking her clothes off. It meant he’d get to touch the softness that her skin was–well, if she allowed it–and he could hardly contain himself.

The most she allowed herself was a smug look of ownership running over his body before she returned to meticulously melting his brain with the treatment she gave him but, to be fair, that did things to him, too. So maybe it was a good thing she didn’t allow herself to be more open with her appreciation since it would just affect him more.

He moved towards the bedroom making efforts to embed the sound of her following him in there in his brain and savor every moment in case he’d be deprived of getting to experience it ever again. He had to strain just to hear her quiet steps, in fact, as she walked behind him barefoot.

She never wore shoes when she wanted to mess with him and make it hard to tell where she was standing so that she could keep him guessing. She put a lot of energy into fucking with his mind and not just his body and he hoped he wasn’t reading it the wrong way, that it wasn’t just the sex she was trying to make better but his life too.

He threw his socks and underwear on the chair he knew she’d use to put the rest of his clothes on and turned to look at her when they made it to their destination. “Where do you want me?” he asked since she obviously had plans and he didn’t want to get in her way. He just hoped he wouldn’t do it with his confession either.

“On the bed, face down,” she said while freeing herself from the clothes she’d managed to fold already. “I’m giving you a massage,” Griffin said, her dominance just as casual as the care in her words as she probably didn’t even realize how much that meant to him, the fact that she was there and doing her best to help him relax from the stress of his job, that she even noticed when something was wrong and took the time to help him make it right. It made him want to do as he was told and while that wasn’t really news since he’d always tried to appease people in his attempts to get the affection he’d been denied, she was the only one who made it easy for him to follow through with that desire. She made it easy to trust that she had his best interest in mind, easier than anyone else ever had.

“Thank you,” Valtor said, knowing she couldn’t understand if he didn’t voice the rest of the thoughts in his head just like he knew she could read the deep meaning of the words in his eyes. It was all he dared show for now. Maybe if they got to a point where he was more secure that she could want him for an actual relationship...

“Don’t thank me just yet,” Griffin tried to brush it off playfully but he could hear the emotion she was trying to get under control in the halfhearted chuckle that didn’t want to get out when she wanted to be serious but was forcing herself not to be.

“I mean it,” Valtor said as he raised a hand to run through her hair before cupping her cheek. He was touching her without permission but she leaned into it so he couldn’t find it in himself to care, focusing on the tenderness of the moment instead even if it felt raw and vulnerable. And he didn’t want to let it go. He wanted to hold on a little longer to that feeling of everything inside them spilling silently around them and filling his apartment ready to overflow into the world and drown it out so that it could never come between them. At least that was how he felt it.

He pressed himself into her seeking more contact and the feeling of her camisole against his bare skin pulled on his muscles making them tighten. He was so exposed to the control he allowed her and it made him hard just thinking about it because that was a key component – he allowed it. He wanted her holding the reins, wanted her dominance, wanted her everything.

He kissed her, parting her lips and looking to get some of that emotion to flow inside him, too, and make him full. He wanted to escape from the emptiness he could feel unfolding inside him just at the thought of chasing her away like he’d always done with everyone else so he swallowed all the gentleness her lips were giving him even when he kept pushing against her rules. He would gladly take his punishment as long as she was there to give it after he’d shown everything, all of his greediness. It was the only thing he’d ever hope for, that she wouldn’t leave him alone. It was all he wanted now and he doubted he could ever want anything else if he had her.

He pulled away, his heart protesting that she made him be the one to do it while at the same time swelling in his chest as she’d withstood his onslaught and hadn’t tried to run away, making him feel abandoned. He managed to open his eyes to gaze at the beauty that she was with her devotion and he found her gasping for air with a mellow expression on her face like she’d melted. She was so affected and it had him weak in the knees.

“Get your ass into bed,” Griffin said as if reading his need to get a hold of himself while a warning also sneaked into the quiet sound of her voice when she leaned in, telling him she wasn’t to be messed with. He’d already allowed himself enough frivolousness as he’d defied the order the first time.

He ran a finger over her cheek to satisfy the desire to touch her that refused to leave him before doing as he was told, not wanting to push her further. He still had to talk to her and while she was never truly angry with him when he broke her orders and she kept their arrangement separate from their lives when it was necessary, he didn’t want to risk messing with her mood. Or give her a reason to think the relationship wasn’t going to work with him not listening to her when he was supposed to, when that was what they’d agreed on.

He got on the bed, face down like she’d told him and made himself comfortable as much as it was possible with the anxiousness returning to sneak in his stomach again despite it being all pressed into the mattress. Though, he had to admit that it was less acute now which wasn’t really as much of a mystery as he tried to pretend it was.

“Scoot away,” Griffin ordered only now to mess with him and he would glare if that wasn’t exactly what he was asking for.

It had the thoughts in his head vanish to leave space for the words and feelings she was putting there and those usually had a striking contrast but a fine balance of reminding him he was under her thumb while also reassuring him he was receiving care like he’d never had before. And he had no idea how she was doing that, but damn if he didn’t want her to keep it up. Her hands were gentle even as she punished him just like her heart was and he could lose himself in all of that. He wanted to.

He moved to make space for her and was rewarded with feeling her crawl on the bed herself, the mattress shifting to accommodate her weight.

She pressed her palms into his back pushing the burden off of him the moment the warmth of her skin entered him. “What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked only now that she’d chased a significant amount of the stress out of his organism and her hands started moving, working on him as if he hadn’t surrendered to her completely already, but the tension in him was more tenacious.

Valtor took a deep breath, hoping she’d ascribe it to the pressure she was applying on him currently since he didn’t want to worry her but knowing she’d figure out that wasn’t it. “My friends saw the lipstick mark on me today,” he said slowly, hating the fact that he was so probing when she was the one he trusted the most.

Nothing in her changed, though, as she kept the steady rhythm of the massage that had him relaxing enough to continue.

“They asked me to introduce you to them and I was wondering if you’d want to meet them.”

There. It was out. He’d jumped and now he could only wait for her to catch him. He hoped she would as he didn’t want to hurt. He’d hurt too much in his life.

“I’d meet them if you want to introduce me,” Griffin said, her voice gentle to make it clear that there wasn’t any resistance to the idea in her even if the words sounded somewhat reluctant in his mind that was as far from objective as it could get at the moment. “But you do realize that this changes things, right?” she kept her tone unwavering but the movements of her hands over his skin were more hesitant now, if only compared to what they’d been before.

“How so?” Valtor asked as he craned his neck as much as he could to look at her.

Griffin paused her work to look at him, the expression on her face serious. “This will make it an official relationship,” she said slowly, drawing in a breath as if to calm the heartbeat he couldn’t hear. “It won’t be just the two of us in your bedroom anymore. We’ll be out in the world,” Griffin said, her voice even still but there was more emotion in it, trepidation maybe, that she was masking far better than he could but her breathing was speaking volumes. “Together,” she added, her voice wavering at the word and he couldn’t take the uncertainty in her when that was the one thing he knew he wanted more than anything else, ever.

He reached behind him to catch her hand, his hold on her a little awkward even when he adjusted the angle to something more comfortable since they were both using their left hands but it didn’t matter as long as he could touch her and tell her what he didn’t know how to put in words, or rather, was scared to.

“It’s been a relationship to me for a long time now,” he said as he held her gaze before pulling her hand to his lips to put a kiss on it, letting them touch it slowly, with intent, and allow all the emotion in him to come out and caress her skin.

Griffin squeezed his hand in response and allowed for a few silent and still moments to let everything sink in before she pulled her hand away, entering her role again.

“I was thinking of using my mouth to give you a slow and satisfying orgasm,” she started and he tried to hold back from moaning since there was a second part to that sentence that would change it somehow but the best he could get was containing the sound to a strangled echo of what it could have been, “but you keep breaking my rules,” Griffin continued and he could hear the mirth in her voice. She would have fun paying him back for that. “You’re quickly losing privileges and the best I can give you now is a ruined orgasm.”

Valtor groaned when she pressed hard into his back before her hands moved down, her nails digging into his skin as she dragged them over his ass and thighs and he could feel the marks they left behind. He gave a whine, too, to affirm his protest. To her words and not to her actions. He could never mind feeling her traces on himself as he’d proven all the times he’d encouraged her further when she’d bite him instead of leaving a simple lipstick mark.

“Maybe you can earn back the points you lost,” Griffin said, dragging her hands back up but this time leaving her marks over his sides. “If you do exactly as I say,” she whispered in his ear startling him as he hadn’t felt her lean over. He’d been too consumed with the irritation her nails had caused his flesh–just enough to make him aware of his choice to be hers to toy with–and his mind was slipping.

“Yes, Griffin,” he managed to get out when he put his efforts into that. It was a bit hard after her ministrations but so was he and he needed that glorious orgasm he knew she could give him. It would make all the strain of the day go away and make him feel good for putting all the effort in earning it. “I will,” he promised, not even stopping to consider what he was agreeing to.

She was full of surprises and there was no way to tell what was going on in her head at any given time. Especially when it came to the games she played with him. He loved it.

“Good. That’s exactly what I want to hear,” Griffin said as she threaded her hand through his hair, stroking gently but he knew she would deal out a punishment if it was prompted. So he had to do his best to keep her pleased. “Now,” she started and pulled away, leaving him tensing in anticipation, “I want you to go and bring my purse from the living room,” she said, the movements of the mattress indicating that she retreated even more which was his cue to move if he wanted to come today and get any satisfaction out of it, too.

He did his best not to let his mind wander to what she’d have him do. He knew she kept a bullet vibe in her purse in case an opportunity presented itself for her to use it unexpectedly and also as a reassurance that she wouldn’t be empty-handed if she needed something to drive him insane. Though, he was sure she could do that without any help from any toys. All she needed to do was get herself off while keeping him from touching. He knew she liked to be prepared, however, so she might have brought anything at all and he could only simmer in his lack of awareness until she showed him what was waiting for him which probably wouldn’t take long at all.

He felt her gaze on him as he got up. It ran all over him when he stood in all of his nakedness but it only made him wish for her to follow it up with her hands tracing the same patterns over his skin that her eyes were instead of making him feel like a piece of meat which was, unfortunately, a too familiar feeling he’d never gotten used to and he was glad she’d never contributed to the nausea that accompanied it.

Her eyes left him when he moved out of her line of sight and he was surprised when he didn’t feel her shift.

He chanced a glance at her that could be risqué if she was watching him but she hadn’t moved, her gaze lost somewhere in the waves of sheets as a small smile barely dared tug at her lips.

He’d never seen such a sight before so it was only logical to assume it was prompted by something that was happening for the first time. Their conversation. The status of their relationship that was now changed. Well, at least officially since he’d known he was hers ever since he’d left himself in her hands and she’d made him feel safe. Probably even before that as he doubted he could’ve trusted her enough to let her have power over him otherwise.

She’d done something, something magical, and he’d fallen hard, yet it hadn’t hurt at all. She was just amazing like that and he was glad to know she felt happiness herself. He didn’t know what it was that she found in him but he wanted to give her all of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter! I wanted to post it yesterday but there were some other things that needed to be done and I only managed to get to it today. The good news is that I finally have my laptop back after a month and a half of changing different devices in order to be able to get anything done so, hopefully, things will go smoothly from now on. Anyway, here is the second chapter!
> 
> This chapter jumps back to their first meeting and the beginning of their relationship as well as some other beginnings. You'll see. ;)
> 
> There is sexual content in this one, both not explicit and a little more explicit. Nothing too graphic, yet, though. And nothing kinky either. But they are getting there, don't worry. There is also a bit of cursing.
> 
> There is some “product placement” in the mention of a mobile game. XD
> 
> Allison is an OC that I made up for the purposes of this fic. She will be mentioned again later on, however, so I thought I would bring attention to that.

Thank god it was Friday. The luminescent lights of the police station were glaring back at him from the floor reflecting them right into his eyes to add to the exhaustion of the blur of letters he’d finally gotten rid of. He had to keep himself from giving into the impulse to blink as he feared that was all it would take for him to fall asleep, and he still had the drive home. He was seriously considering getting himself a coffee at that ungodly hour and risking it keeping him awake into the night just to make sure he would be alert enough to make it to his apartment safely.

Of course, he’d get a call right as he’d been parking in front of his apartment building and, of course, it would take him hours to fix the mess that his client’s son had gotten himself into that night. He had no idea how he would’ve done it if he’d had to get up early the next morning after getting so delayed at work.

It was almost midnight and they didn’t pay him enough for that. In fact, he’d only been hired by Riven’s father because his son was a little piece of shit with anger management issues that constantly got into trouble when he knew his daddy had his back. However, the man had gotten tired of paying loads of money to his elite lawyer every time his son pulled some stupid stunt so he’d hired Valtor who provided the same services for a much lower price since he didn’t have the prestige of his predecessor who still acted lawyer to the family when it came to anything but Riven. He was just there to solve the boy’s messes.

The only reason he was still tolerating them was because they were, unfortunately, influential enough to impact his career negatively if he refused to jump at the bone they were throwing him. So he got the boy out of trouble every other week while he kept cursing his father for the poor parenting job he was doing. Not that he could be bothered to care when he was in the arms of a different woman every time Valtor saw him which, actually, wasn’t that often since he rarely bothered to come and pick up his son. Valtor would have to be the one to drive the boy home sometimes, fussing internally over being made to play babysitter, too, but it was better than getting sued for whatever mess Riven would manage to get himself into if he left him alone.

This time, at least, his father had sent one of the house staff to get him so Valtor could finally head home. Hours after his work day should have been over. All because Riven couldn’t get a hold of his pride and had challenged Sky to a motorcycle race and they’d both ended up in the police station for driving without a license. Not to mention that Riven’s case was boggled down by Erendor’s rage that he’d dragged his son into it, too, the two boys almost like those couples in movies that broke up only to get back together over and over again, except they were doing the same with their friendship. Or were they?

He managed to find it in himself to smirk–even when his briefcase felt like it weighed a ton after the day piled up on his shoulders–at the thought of how Erendor would handle it if his son turned out to be gay–highly unlikely considering Sky was all wrapped around Bloom but Valtor needed his entertainment to keep him sane–and dating Riven of all people. He’d probably have a heart attack and nobody would miss him except for his wife and son. Though, with Samara it would most likely be the power she’d lose without him that she’d mourn and the fact that she’d have to buy her own jewelry. He could only count on his son for true affection which was more than he deserved, really, as Valtor could barely stand the asshole for the duration of a whole party at Marion and Oritel’s.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when his path was blocked by a woman pacing the corridor from side to side, the agitation spilling from her like she was an ocean of restlessness. Her purple hair was pulled in an updo that didn’t look even a tad disheveled to contrast with her emotional state that was obviously all over the place and was accentuated by the sharp clicking of her heels against the floor that he’d been too consumed in his internal gloating to hear before he’d almost collided with her franticness. The only calm thing about her was the purse resting on one of the chairs that she clearly couldn’t make herself occupy.

He could make his way past her without even saying a word. He doubted she’d mind much except for maybe cursing him in her mind to alleviate some of the pressure she was apparently under. It would be the best idea considering how tired he was and how ready his body was to tumble into bed even as there wasn’t one. He was sure to forgo dinner as it was a bit late for that and throw himself right into sleep once he managed to make it to the comfort of his own bedroom.

He couldn’t just walk past her, though. There was a protest rising in him the moment the thought surfaced that kept spreading until he was suspended in its cobweb and couldn’t take another step. There was something in her that was pulling him to her and he couldn’t ignore it despite being unable to identify the impulse, which had proven dangerous in his past but drew him to her relentlessly in search of an answer.

“Is there a problem?” he asked, making sure to leave enough space between them for her potential outburst to unfold without crashing into him too strongly. He was certain a glare would be enough to push him over in the current situation.

Her head snapped up and he found himself staring at two suns that had the power to incinerate him but hadn’t decided if they should just yet. Her eyes were the lightest brown he’d seen, almost golden, and shone like her life depended on gathering all the light she carried inside her and releasing it into the world. He’d never seen a sight like that before.

“Who are you?” she asked, her voice trying to snap free but she contained it despite the frustration that had taken hold of her being.

It was impressive, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Especially when he knew she didn’t have any reason to be kind to him and all the desire to just pour out her rage on something or someone. He could see it in the way her body was ready to move, nearly pulling her forward as it was trying to hurl itself in a confrontation but she put in the effort to be polite. Or at least as much so as she could manage currently and that was still a lot more than he could show for when he wasn’t kissing up to some filthy rich asshole because his standard of life depended on that and he refused to go back to the misery in which he’d lived before.

“I’m a lawyer and you seem like you need one right now,” he said, surprising himself with how much he hoped he was correct in his assumption. Otherwise, he’d have no more reason to stick around. And the surprises didn’t even end there as he felt a pang of guilt for the thought when it would certainly be better for her if she didn’t need his assistance. But since when did he care what was better for other people?

Her expression mellowed a bit at that, a part of the facade crumbling to have her eyes become glossier with the emotion that filled them, threatening to overflow. “One of my girls is in the arrest and they won’t let me see her,” she said, a quake in her voice that threatened to shake her entire form with enough force to shatter her and he was amazed she was still holding up.

A mother? It made sense with that softness that immediately sneaked in her eyes and her posture, too, when her attention went to her daughter. And her jumpiness was understandable now that he knew it was prompted by the restless worry for the girl. It still couldn’t cancel out that gentleness that was so motherly. Not that he knew anything about that seeing how he’d never had a mother. He’d been tossed aside. But at least the girl in the arrest had it far better than him on that front.

“What legal mess has your daughter gotten into?” he asked as he left his briefcase next to her purse and sat down in one of the empty chairs in a subconscious nudge for her to do the same and explain the problem calmly.

“She’s not my daughter,” the woman said as she crossed her arms but it wasn’t offense from his assumption that drove the action. It was more like... sadness? And he couldn’t fathom the sight in front of him when he knew his own parents had abandoned him while the woman standing in front of him was in a police station in that late hour looking after a girl that wasn’t even her own child. He’d never believed in God but he was starting to question the existence of angels and whether he’d just met one. “She’s one of my students,” the woman explained. “She used her phone call to ask me for help.”

“What about her parents?” Valtor asked, trying to understand the situation he’d just walked into and why she was taking care of the girl, how she could be so helpful, so... human in a world of leeches, himself included.

The woman huffed. “They’re probably drunk, or drugged, or whatever other activity they’d found to help them throw themselves into a state of mindlessness,” she said, her voice full of distaste and bitterness. “She can’t rely on them for anything. That’s why she called me,” she said, the sadness coming out again as she clutched at herself like she was trying to hold herself together and he recognized it now. It was compassion, care that drew him to her the same as it had when he’d been unaware of what it was that her worry spoke of.

“Maybe I can help you both. If you tell me what’s the problem?” Valtor offered, his mind protesting and trying to bribe him to leave by flooding him with memories of the softness of his bed but it was effectively silenced by the desire in his heart to stay and help that was as unfamiliar to him as the warmth of family. Perhaps the woman–Griffin, as she introduced herself–had managed to awake his own long buried sense of compassion and make him sympathize with the girl who seemed to have it rough despite allegedly having parents and he had to admit it felt good. At least in the few minutes before he learned what they were dealing with. Or rather who, which was the bigger problem.

Allison had stolen a car for a quick ride before she’d abandon the vehicle but she’d crashed it when she’d tried to avoid running over a black cat that had refused to move. Fortunately, she hadn’t ended up hurt. Her luck ran out there, however, since she’d been taken straight to the arrest from where it would be hard to get her out.

Now that wouldn’t have been such a big problem for him if she’d stolen any random car but she’d been drawn by one of those shiny sports cars that belonged to none other than Erendor which was about the worst timing the girl could’ve had considering how uncooperative Erendor’s lawyer had been on the case with Riven. And now Valtor had to go through another person on his legal team–after already having exerted most of his mental energy and resourcefulness on Riven’s case–who’d probably been instructed to see to it that Allison would go to jail for as long as possible for her unfortunate pick of a ride.

That would be a challenge. A challenge he could do nothing about until morning because he needed Marion to talk to Erendor–not because she was the DA but because Erendor was much more likely to relent if she or Oritel talked to him–and that would have to happen in the morning since he would definitely put up more resistance if they woke him up in the middle of the night for the fate of a girl that he wanted nothing more for than to put her away.

He explained all of that to Griffin which didn’t help her nerves but the fact that he got her to talk to Allison definitely did have the desired effect. It seemed to help the girl, too, as she calmed down. After she sobbed her eyes out and Griffin held her hand and reassured her it would all be fine. Valtor just hoped so, hoped that his connections would manage to get her out of trouble so that he wouldn’t have to disappoint both her and Griffin.

He got coffee for himself and the tea Griffin had requested and she thanked him for the hundredth time when he hadn’t even done anything yet. It almost made him feel uncomfortable and he took the chance to change the topic when he saw her eyes closing.

He was surprised that she agreed with him when he told her to get some sleep if she wanted since he was there to watch over both her and Allison. He hadn’t expected that she’d trust him enough to accept his words. He knew he wouldn’t be caught napping at a police station no matter how safe it was supposed to be since crime was allegedly contained there.

She fell into a nervous sleep, her teeth grinding slightly from the stress she had to be under, and he managed to make it to eight in the morning solely thanks to the Prince of Persia game on his phone–it was an old favorite he’d played when he’d been younger even if the version he was currently going through wasn’t quite as engaging as the one he was used to–when he was too tired for chess or other strategical games before he called Marion.

Just as expected, she didn’t grumble at him for the early wake-up or the cry for help–rather ironic considering his behavior during her very first attempt to befriend him–but told him they’d have to wait a bit more to ensure Erendor would be in a somewhat good mood. She told him to stay put and wait for her call and he didn’t really have any other options which didn’t make it any easier to just sit around. Especially when Griffin woke up and they still hadn’t made any progress towards getting Allison out of the arrest.

He got them something to eat from the vending machine in the station and did his best to avoid Griffin’s questions when it came to why he was helping. He didn’t have an answer–not one that made sense at least–and the idea of using his past as an excuse was absolutely detestable so he had to dodge the interrogation instead. He had no idea how Griffin hadn’t managed to make her way through all the workers in the station and make them do her bidding with how insistent she was in her questioning.

He was finally saved around eleven o’clock when Marion called to tell him she’d managed to get through to Erendor after almost an hour on the phone with him. He’d relented at last when she’d insisted it would look much better to the press to let the girl walk away in a show of goodwill and consideration towards her background and they could pass it off as a part of his and Samara’s pet project where they were trying to present themselves as philanthropists and fund scholarship programs. It meant Allison would be sent in the foster system for the year and a half she had before turning eighteen and she’d have to transfer schools to one they enrolled her into to keep up the act. It was still better than prison, though, where she would’ve ended up for certain if not for Marion’s intervention.

It took a bit more time for the procedure of taking the charges down to kick into motion and be completed but Allison was finally in Griffin’s arms around noon and they could all leave the station at last and leave that nightmare behind. Though, Allison seemed to be more than upset still, the news of her new reality sinking in to no better result than poisoning her with fear and unwillingness as far as he could tell. And Griffin wasn’t doing much better if the way she was clutching at the girl was any indication. She was losing a child in a sense and Valtor didn’t know how to help her.

She stunned him again when she asked him to dinner–that same evening, no less–at a restaurant in the center of the city that he was sure was far too expensive for a teacher’s salary but he didn’t want to offend her by saying that. And he did want to see her again. Even if a part of him protested against leading himself on when he’d have to forget about her since they had no more business together and she just wanted to thank him as he’d refused any payment.

There was also resistance to the thought that he’d be keeping her from spending what little time she had left with Allison now that the girl would no longer study in her school and taking away the girl’s support system since she obviously had only her teacher to count on. But he’d never been good at selflessness–not when he’d struggled so hard not to have his self swallowed in the belief he was worthless that had been forced on him his whole life–so he accepted.

He made it home and to bed but his eyes remained open and watching the memories of Griffin and the drama they’d been through, not to mention that his muscles were restless with excitement for the dinner that he’d do himself a favor to contain. He had to treat it like a business meeting, like his payment for the services he’d provided–and he had to put other efforts into not falling down the rabbit hole of why he’d done that–and not anything special, certainly not a date, but he couldn’t find it in himself to belittle his inner experiences when he’d had that done to him his whole life. Even when he didn’t know what those feelings he had meant. Or he didn’t want to admit it.

He went to the dinner dressed up, looking for one Griffin Sylvane and he found her there, waiting for him with her long red dress and her purple hair spilling all the way to her knees, a smile on her face and softness radiating from her form. He was ready to fall into her universe at that moment and never come out in the real world again as he was sure the depths of her being were far more inviting and accepting.

He greeted her casually instead and managed to make his way through dinner smoothly, making her laugh at one or two of his crazier stories from work and some jokes he had to put some effort into since he was sure offensiveness would never humor her and he had to actually be clever instead. He listened to her stories from work made all the more extraordinary by her disastrous twin friends who also doubled as colleagues–only then did it click that she was the headmistress Marion and Faragonda had had a few confrontations with when her students had stirred trouble with Bloom and her friends, though he couldn’t connect the image of the stubborn witch Marion had painted for him with the woman across the table touching the end of his soul that had pried away from his fingers while his attention had been on helping Allison–and got jealous when all her attention was drawn by the little pot with flowers on their table, the upside of which was that he learned she had a passion for gardening along with literature, cooking, astronomy and, apparently, being the kindest person he’d ever met.

She asked him to walk with her under the stars once out of the restaurant now that they weren’t stuck inside a dreaded police station and could see the beauty of the night sky. She told him about some of the constellations that were still visible even with all the lights of the city and he found himself asking her what was keeping her still there when it seemed like a cottage in the woods would be the perfect home for her.

Her laugh was startling with its beauty, especially when it didn’t let him feel like he was the object of it, and she told him she had her own stars to look after right where she was–her students–and the way she referred to them made him ache to reach and touch the tenderness she seemed to be woven from, bury his hands in it and never let go, just hold on until he was all tangled in her and they became one, so he stuffed his hands in his coat pockets instead to keep from doing something that he’d regret. She wasn’t his to have.

He drove her home and walked her to the door of her apartment building as the neighborhood wasn’t the safest and he didn’t want to let her slip through his fingers until he absolutely had to.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “That’s where my thank you ends,” she said, “and this is because I want to.” She captured his lips in her kiss and he was so entranced he didn’t even wrap his arms around her to hold her, the moment over before he knew it but her breath still in his lungs which he was grateful for because she’d taken all of his for herself. “Call me,” she said and disappeared into the building as if with magic before he could even wish her good night. Or it was his own brain that had turned down the speed of processing things.

He barely made himself wait a few days before calling the number she’d written on a sticky note in lavender that he’d pried from the inside of his coat pocket where she’d sneaked it. He was apprehensive about it all, his brain insisting she was doing it out of a sense of obligation, that she couldn’t actually like him, even when she’d told him otherwise.

He wanted to shut it up but he couldn’t, yet he still sought her out. He had to. He couldn’t let her go no matter how badly it would hurt when she realized she’d made a mistake and he wasn’t worth her affection.

So they went on a date–not that they ever called it that–and then another one, and then more. Theater, cinema, another walk under the stars, ice cream and pizza in that order. He learned her favorite authors, the poems she liked, learned them by heart when she constantly touched the organ with her smile and her laugh and the tender feeling of her hand in his palm.

He told her how he’d always wanted a dog and despite the disenchantment she seemed to show at the idea of a pet, she dragged him to a shelter–the shelter where Allison and her foster sister were working–where they found a little dog, a small female pitbull, that seemed to latch on to Griffin more than to him but she did seem to like them both and his heart broke when they couldn’t take her home because he didn’t have the time to take care of a dog with his job in the way. He should have known–had known–that it would only cause pain but he’d let Griffin lead him to the shelter anyway.

Griffin told him it was okay and he knew she didn’t understand. She told him it was normal to hurt when you allowed yourself to be vulnerable but the risk was worth it and he looked in her eyes to see a reflection of himself in them. She told him that it wasn’t all bad, that he could still cherish the happiness he’d gotten from their encounter with the dog, and gave a smile that looked constricted by tears but her gaze was clear when she looked at him and the only heart he could hear screaming amidst the loud street was his own. She told him that he had to be proud because he’d done what was best for the precious little ball of fur and had let her wait for the best home she could get despite it hurting them both and squeezed his hand holding on to him. And Valtor kissed her hard because he knew she understood and she hadn’t asked him to let her go yet so he allowed himself to fantasize for a while that he could be the best for her.

They found their way to his apartment and she let him take her clothes off, trusted him with her vulnerability and he wanted to give her an experience she could cherish for her bravery to leave herself in his hands. He was careful, or at least he liked to believe so, and tried to be gentle, slow, let himself explore and savor the moment of trusting another, and let her do the same. He even let her take control and that was the best decision in his life.

His skin was set on fire by her caresses, how feather-light they were in her attempt not to hurt him and not because she could barely make herself touch him with revulsion getting in the way. Her hands were giving, touching him to let him have pleasure and not take his from him. And her mouth was heaven whispering praises at him and moaning out his name as she’d pushed them into oblivion. Together.

And he hadn’t been able to disentangle himself from her ever since.

Griffin was on top as she liked to be, her hips moving as she rode him, controlling the pace, and all he could do was lie back and watch the vision she made for, touch her skin and try to offer her extra stimulation. Her moans and the deep breaths she took as if she wanted to breathe in the pleasure of the moment and their closeness were far more enticing than his own orgasm and the sensations it had running through him. They couldn’t quite compare to the satisfaction that reached in the core of his soul when she lay spent and sated on top of him and he could feel her heartbeat accompanying his.

He wanted more of it, wanted to hear more of her ecstasy and look carefully to learn how to please her better, learn just what made her arch into his touch and whine for more. He wanted to give her all she wanted and take what she’d give him. He loved feeling all of her skin as she guided him over her body to help him memorize the map of her pleasure, loved feeling her wrap around him when he’d done something, everything, right, loved coming undone for her like a tribute to the affection she’d given him. It was a vulnerable feeling to come apart so freely but he loved it when he was safe in her hands and he knew she held the reins to steer him out of danger.

“Griffin,” he spoke before he could think it through when there was no hiding in his nakedness from the thought that struck.

“Yes?” she opened her eyes and focused on him even when he’d interrupted her bliss right as a shiver had been making its way through her body to let her feel all the pleasure she was getting from him. She even slowed down, making him trace his thumbs over her skin as if he was trying to pull the threads of time and reverse it back to before he’d opened his mouth for anything other than groans of appreciation.

“This might sound weird,” he tried to glide over the surface of a lake that was much too uneasy for any solid ice to cover its surface and let him walk on it. What had he been thinking? It was a long shot to just assume things like that no matter how close he felt her to his heart and like he knew every part of her. The timing was hardly the best as he’d interrupted their pleasure and she could get offended by his question. And she was giving him that look that had encouragement enveloping him like a protective cocoon that would never let anything happen to him and... oh, god, here we go. “I was wondering if you’d ever... tried...” He breathed out the impulse to growl at his own stupid stuttering. He just had to say it. It was just a question. No big deal. No need to make it so dramatic.

Griffin pulled his hand away from her waist, her relaxed body on top of his clashing with the tension in him but still grounding him in the softness of their shared experience, and clasped it in hers, giving it a squeeze to invite him to continue. It worked miracles when he knew she was holding on to him and he found the words.

“Have you tried being a Domme?” he asked, doing his best to look her in the eyes and not avert his gaze under the fear of judgment swallowing the shiny golden of her irises.

It was Griffin for heaven’s sake. She’d never frowned upon any of his questions even when he didn’t reciprocate her readiness to answer when it came to personal things, things from his past. She had more than enough respect for him always, even as they disagreed on a topic, which wasn’t such a rare occurrence. She was a much more considerate person than him and took into account other people’s feelings. She most certainly always took care of his.

“I haven’t,” Griffin answered, her voice even, but there was something off about it. It was too short and while she was usually concise and straight to the point, it wasn’t like her to leave it just at two words. “But I... “ she started before she bit her lip in a self-imposed pause.

It was her turn to be nervous and Valtor was quick to return the encouraging squeeze she’d helped him with just a few seconds ago and let the thumb of the hand that was still at her waist stroke soothing motions into her skin while he held on to her with all of his support. It was his place to help her find her words. Especially since he’d dragged them out of the passionate haze of their bubble and into that topic.

“I’ve wanted to,” Griffin admitted, moving her fingers just barely as if to get a confirmation they were still entangled with his and he was there. “I’ve been curious about it, found it intriguing. And I’ve thought about exploring. There was a good chance I’d like it considering how fast the thoughts got me going,” she said, her eyes losing some of their razor focus and a slight hitch making itself known in her breathing to pose the threat of distraction as it drew his gaze to her breasts.

Valtor concentrated on her, on the flow of words he knew came out when she was being open and honest. It made him fear breathing lest he blew away the knowledge that she trusted him to share all of that with him without the need for shame. He would never shame her for the strength and bravery to give him access to her sacred thoughts and she seemed to have gathered that despite his guarded and closed-off demeanor. 

“I never found someone I felt comfortable sharing that fantasy with, though,” she admitted, the shine in her eyes losing strength at the memories of loneliness. That was what she’d been through when no one had made her feel safe enough to open up to them.

“Well, I was thinking that we can... try it together?” he asked, trying to focus on her and not on the hope that had sneaked into his voice. He didn’t know what it was doing there but he knew he couldn’t get distracted with it right now. He had to think about Griffin and her comfort. “If you trust me enough?” he looked into her eyes as he hung on to his trust in her unspoken response to hold himself out of the pool of fear and dread, and rejection, that she could drop him into with just one word. He could swim but he doubted that would help if he was all tied up in his insecurities without her to keep him above the surface.

Her expression changed with the deep creases confusion left on her face when it laid its hands on her and it was a striking sight with how rarely it happened since she was always following everything in a situation. He hadn’t managed to protect her from it now, though.

“You’d be willing to do that with me?” Griffin asked, her hand closing around his into a death grip and so did the other one that was now on his other wrist, and the surprise on her face was even worse with the reminder it brought.

He hadn’t dared tell her how much she meant to him, hadn’t confided in her the deep trust she’d threaded through his heart without ever hurting him while doing so, hadn’t even taken the step to clarify the status of their relationship when he was scared it seemed more than it actually was in the inside of his empty mind that was just begging to be filled with affection. And when she hadn’t said anything–of course she hadn’t as she was so respectful of his boundaries and had already made all the moves to get them where they were–he’d just left it at that risking to lose her when she got tired of waiting for him to accept she wasn’t letting go of his hand.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He went for a soft smile and raised a hand to run through her hair but she was still holding on to him, clutching at his flesh as her gaze gripped his and held it in place shooting pain straight to his heart with the tears that refused to come out but he could still see in it. He needed to soothe whatever was running lose in her mind and hurting her enough to draw them out but he didn’t know how.

“Are you sure you know what that would mean?” Griffin asked, her voice grave as if their lives depended on his comprehension of the situation and it hurt him even more. Not because she’d offended him by checking if he knew what he was doing but because she didn’t trust that he could want to trust her. It was like looking into a mirror and he knew the pain of those thoughts bouncing around his head. He had to keep her safe from going through the same. “You’ll have to trust me completely. And we’ll have to do a lot of talking, no shying away from things, just total honesty,” she was still looking at him but he could tell all she was seeing was the inside of her own mind and what was hiding there.

“I’m always honest with you,” he said to bring her back to himself, for once not because he was selfish enough to hoard all of her attention for himself. And his claim was mostly true since he didn’t lie to her but he did prefer to keep some things to himself and not share them. “And I’ll do my best to be more open,” he promised readily.

“You’ll have to trust me to take care of you and you have to know that I won’t be perfect. I don’t have experience so I’ll make mistakes and I’ll have to learn during the process since I have no idea how all of this is done,” Griffin was rambling at this point not even paying attention to his words and that was concerning with how deep she must have sunk into her own head. He’d seen it happen a few times and that was far too much already.

“Griffin,” he interrupted the downpour of words and pulled his hand out of hers, cupping both her cheeks while she still held on to his wrist. “I know you’ll do great. You’re always so attentive and so careful with me. And I don’t expect you to know everything instantly,” he soothed as he moved his thumbs over her skin to smooth the tension out of the muscles underneath and free them from any fear. “We’ll figure it out together,” he offered and was relieved to see her eyes softening and a small smile breaking out from under the tears that had welled up at this point. It was timid but it still seemed to pull the water in her eyes back no matter how reluctant the clear liquid was to relinquish its hold on the shine of the gold beneath.

“You’re sure about this?” Griffin asked as she held on to his forearms now but he didn’t mind. She could clutch as hard as she liked if that was what she needed to keep herself steady, but her grip had softened, offering him some respite, too, when he knew he could help her relax at least a little. “You’re sure that you want it, that you want me to be your dominatrix?” The word sounded somewhat harsh with how untypical it was, how unfamiliar and, therefore, scary the whole concept seemed. But they could make it their own if they really wanted.

He knew what he was getting himself into by leaving himself in her hands. And she could probably tell, too, as she was still sitting on top of him, his erection inside her as it throbbed in need.

He was more than thrilled about getting to explore what an arrangement like that could offer, considering he hadn’t felt any resistance at the thought of giving her all control. He’d seen what she could do to him in the bedroom. He’d seen her mindfuck and her roughness and all the care that had kept seeping through even in those times as she always made sure to bring him as much pleasure as she could. He knew he’d be safe with her in charge. And he’d be glad to be all bound in her instructions to please her and give her as much as she was giving him. It sounded like a match made in heaven. Rather appropriate, having in mind his course of thought when he’d first met her.

“Yes, I am sure, Griffin. As sure as I’ve been about anything in my life,” he said and that would’ve meant more to her if he’d acquainted her with his life as closely as he had with his soul, but the bits she knew still gave it enough impact if the touched look she caressed him with said something.

“Okay,” Griffin nodded, her hands rubbing over his skin, most likely in an attempt to soothe herself rather than him. She took a deep breath as if preparing to dive into the ocean to never come out again. “Where do we start? Like, how will this work? I mean...”

She closed her eyes and exhaled her frustration before she licked her lips, maybe collecting herself but distracting him and beginning the test of how well he could concentrate on what he had to do and not what he wanted as he only wanted to kiss her lips now–perhaps get to have that orgasm he’d put on hold from her mouth–but he had to focus on the conversation. It was what was important now.

“Do we assume our roles whenever we’re having sex or do we do it only when we’ve agreed on it beforehand? How permanent do you want this to be?” Griffin asked.

He hadn’t really thought about that. He’d never thought he’d get that far into the idea to be honest. Not that he’d thought about it before he’d asked her except maybe subconsciously but that didn’t really count. And he didn’t have much idea where to start on the topic despite having some knowledge about it. It just wasn’t the same when he had to go about it in a structured manner and think about building that dynamic. But he’d have to if he wanted it to work and he did. He was burning with curiosity to see where exactly that idea could take them.

“I don’t really know,” he admitted as he let his hands down to her shoulders pressing and rubbing there to help her relax and draw his attention to solving the matter at hand, not to getting distracted by the images that floated in his head. “But how about we make it permanent and if either one of us feels like something isn’t working, we communicate? Isn’t that how this is supposed to happen?” Valtor asked, trying to keep his voice calm as he felt anticipation grip him and his movements over Griffin’s skin became more absent-minded at how ready he was to surrender to her completely.

It was obvious that neither of them had any clear idea how to navigate these unfamiliar waters but all that was left of his mind was the possibilities of her using all that control he was readily putting in her palms and he had to hold back a moan. He had to focus on the business before the pleasure if he wanted to convince her in the seriousness of his intentions.

Griffin’s teeth worried her lower lip for a few seconds before she nodded. “Okay. How do you want to start?” she asked, the tension in her body unrelenting and yet, he couldn’t help but think it wasn’t just nervousness but also excitement. Could be a gut feeling or his own want clouding his judgment. Or it could be the fact that he could feel her get wetter at the thought.

“That should be up to you, shouldn’t it?” he asked playfully, trying to get her to relax and fall deeper into her desire along with him. All it seemed to do was the exact opposite.

Griffin stiffened, her gaze running from his as if chased by the shame that she couldn’t instantly figure out how to proceed, as if she’d failed him already and it was tearing at his heart when it was just proof she would be great with her consideration and devotion to guide her. And he wanted to tell her all of that but he didn’t think she’d believe him. He had to show her.

“Let’s give it a test drive,” he offered as he let his hands grip at her waist to keep her steady during the wave of resistance he knew would wash over them as she panicked.

“Right now?” Griffin asked, her voice rising high as if it was trying to pull her out of his hold on her and her eyes widening so much he was afraid they were going to fall out of her skull.

He knew he was laying all the burden on her, all the responsibility for him, but he also knew she could do it. And he would never force her to if she decided she didn’t want to. But they had to try it to know how they’d both feel. He didn’t want either one of them missing the opportunity for something incredible to happen to and between them because they were afraid. They had to follow the advice she’d given him and let themselves feel.

“Yes,” he said, cupping her face again to have her look at him instead of trying to escape. Perhaps it was selfish but he needed her to try and not turn her back on him like everyone else had always done. “Let’s just try it, Griffin. Just once. If you don’t like it, I won’t push you for more, I swear,” he let his heart pour it all out in his eyes, all the reassurance and encouragement he didn’t know how to give her otherwise.

“I don’t want to do something to hurt you,” Griffin whispered, keeping her hands off of him as if she was afraid of laying them on his being when all she’d ever done was show him gentleness, teach him what it felt like since he’d never had it before her.

He hated the sound, for it was an echo of the hisses in his own mind that made him afraid of what he could do to her if he let himself be the monster he knew he was sheltering inside. And just the thought of her having to face the same war in her head was too much. He didn’t know how to help himself but he would sure as hell find a way to help her. He wouldn’t rest until he had. He could give her proof of how amazing she was if he could get her to go along with their idea. He’d give her all the proof, verbal and physical, when every part of him she touched melted in her tenderness.

“You won’t when we’re together in this,” he said, glad to see the golden getting some of its shine back again when his words entered it through the look they shared and the tension rolling off of her shoulders and falling off the bed to let them breathe freely. It was a sight he’d cherish forever when he’d managed to help her get rid of some of the burden. Especially when he knew she was ready to do the same for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 3 that picks up right where chapter 2 left off. They have their experimental go at their new dynamic. It is all sex(ual acts) and insecurities (yes, a weird combination but one that will remain present throughout the whole fic).
> 
> Warnings for biting, scratching, orgasm delay, hair-pulling, kneeling, fingering.
> 
> Now, without further ado (as there was a lot of that already), here’s the chapter!

Griffin leaned down, bringing their bodies together, and joined their lips, too, letting herself spill into him, her body relaxing on top of him when he wrapped his arms around her to let his warmth seep inside her and remind her it was all for her. All his heat and desire, everything – it was all hers. And he let himself breathe it into her lungs and write it on the skin of her back, tangle it in her hair as he ran his hands through the purple strands feeling soft sounds beginning in her throat and falling into his mouth but they were far too tender to pull them apart and only fed his infatuation with her.

Griffin seemed to sense that as her lips got pulled into a smile that had them break the kiss but that was the one thing he didn’t mind getting in their way. Especially considering what thoughts had been lurking in her head and trying to jump at what they had and tear it apart. It was good to see her come victorious out of the fight.

“Okay, let’s try this,” she said, her voice quiet but it was steady now and there was excitement in it that she was trying to keep under control when all he wanted was to see it unfold and wrap him in itself too.

She pushed herself up and moved off of him before he even knew what was going on and it was just the energy vibrating off of her that made up for the nothing that the absence of her warmth on his skin left him with.

Valtor propped himself up to be closer to her now that he was no longer inside her. “I didn’t time this well,” he muttered when it finally hit him that he’d let orgasm slip right through his fingers–or rather disentangle itself from his muscles much like Griffin had extracted herself from his reach–without even noticing. And his own release hadn’t been the only thing he’d interrupted.

Griffin only gave him a smile with a hint of wickedness. Still, he greatly preferred it over the terrified expression her insecurities had twisted her face into. This was more like her, more like the mischievous woman that was so full of life she was overflowing and he wanted to be close enough to be carried away from the world in her waves.

“Well, it was your idea,” she said, her innocent act holding up almost well enough to fool him. “Surely you must have considered that this idea will come with some minor inconveniences.” She leaned down and pressed her cheek into his as she whispered in his ear, “For you.”

A shiver ran through him and spread anticipation through his body like a fire consuming him. And his heart skipped a beat at the tease that carried her returning spirit. She was already slipping into her new role like it was comfortable sleepwear and yet, still wore it like sexy lingerie. He could only hold on to the ever thinning out threads of hope in his soul that he wouldn’t tear through it when his own nakedness made his muscles shake with all the insecurities of his past it called back to. Could he truly be as good for her in reality as he was making himself out to be in his fantasies?

“Come on, get up,” Griffin urged softly, dragging a hand down his inner thigh as she stood straight which did not help at all when the touch went straight to his penis that was still hard and ready. Though, the faster he fell in line, the faster he’d get to come. It was simple math.

He followed her instructions and got himself off the bed–she didn’t say anything about removing the condom so he left it as it was–feeling a slight tensing in his muscles that he preferred to interpret as excitement.

Griffin caught him right there, pausing his thoughts as she placed her palms on his chest, and he was so grateful for the generosity of the contact keeping his mind from torturing itself by holding his focus on her.

“I want you to tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable, no matter how small,” Griffin said as she looked him in the eyes and the golden was all molten with the heat she put in her words, the plea spilling from her irises when they couldn’t hold it in. “If there’s a problem, we’ll talk about it or just drop what we’re doing. I don’t want to push you,” she said, barely holding herself from pulling away and out of their game despite the ease with which she’d assumed her role. She was so ready to back out for him that he had to fight the physical impulse to press her into him and never let her put any distance between them again.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you,” he said, his palms covering her hands to keep her close and run over all the warmth he could touch to feel the soothing effect she had on his brain. He’d hardly be able to keep the monsters in his mind at bay if they poked them to wakefulness anyway. She’d get to see them, all of his ugliness, and that had his heart speeding up and ready to rush away from the situation but the thought of missing the opportunity in front of him made it sink back into the ocean of his past misery where he couldn’t breathe.

Griffin nodded. “Okay.” Her eyes moved to the tangle of their hands. “I do believe you’ll have to lose the touching privileges for now,” she said, a devious spark in her eyes when her gaze met his again and his breath was all forced out by the swift change in her demeanor. It only confirmed what he’d read in her. She wanted this. And he wanted to do it with her.

He let go of her hands only on the promise that they’d be all over him and painting a picture in his mind that he’d never seen before.

“Of course...” he trailed off, the lack of a title to use popping up into his mind. “What shall I call you while we’re doing this?” he asked as he went through his mind to see what titles he’d heard used in a situation like that. He could think of at least three or four so he needed her to tell him what she’d prefer. He would gladly let it in his mouth and keep it there as he wanted to do things properly, wanted to give himself to her completely. Respecting her–and now the power he gave her over him–had never been the problem that he’d faced with other people who’d refused to reciprocate the effort. With her it all just happened naturally.

“Let’s stick to my name for now,” Griffin glossed over his eagerness and he would object–he had to make the most of it even if they were just starting out in case there would never be more–but that would defeat the whole purpose of what they were doing. All the choices were hers now and he felt a pull in his muscles and in his mind that disrupted the rhythm of his breathing slightly. “Just make sure to use it every time you refer to me.” She gave a smirk which eased any stray thoughts–and just thoughts in general–out of his mind to leave it free for what she’d put in it now that she was ready to use her power. “Bring me my shoes,” Griffin said as if to further prove that.

“Yes, Griffin,” Valtor chimed immediately and moved to grab them from where he’d thrown them on the floor while he’d been undressing her. But he let the memories fade away as it was too early to start missing what she’d taken away and grasped at the task at hand to get back the satisfaction that had been spilling from her when she’d been on top of him.

The shoes were easy to find, the color the most vibrant thing in his bedroom besides Griffin herself. It was blood red, like that lipstick that looked so alluring on her lips it made him want to kiss it all off so he’d stop being jealous of it for covering them for so long when he could only get so much of them even while kissing her as he had to pull away eventually since he, sadly, couldn’t breathe her. And the shoes looked good on her, too, making him wonder if there was anything that didn’t. Though, that wasn’t much of a musing with how clear the answer was.

He took the shoes and turned back to get them to her, her intent gaze on him almost giving him pause. Heat rushed through him under the intensity of the golden irises as she drank in the sight that he made for and his throat tightened around the lump of doubt about whether she was pleased with what she was seeing. Her face certainly was unreadable.

It remained so as he handed her the shoes and she didn’t make a move to take them pushing his mind into the chasm of what he might have missed. “Do you want me to help you put them on, Griffin?” he probed around to stop his fall. If it had been anyone else, he would’ve sooner died than even let the thought in his mind but he could hold on safely to the knowledge that she wouldn’t think anything of it. Or at least not anything demeaning.

“The only thing I want is you sitting in that chair,” Griffin said as she took her shoes, her eyes finally moving off of him to indicate where she wanted him even if there was only one piece of furniture in the bedroom she could be referring to. She was probably just testing the power her gaze–and the loss of it on his skin–held over him.

He nodded, boggling his mind with wondering if perhaps he should have responded verbally, and turned to get himself to the chair in question. He only kept it in the bedroom to throw his clothes at when he was too tired from the day and didn’t feel like putting them away. Something she always scowled at and he could only get her to ignore by making her soak through her panties before he’d even taken off any of her clothes. But now that he’d surrendered to her all the opportunities to make him beg for her, his head was only full of eagerness to have her make good use of them and his muscles were straining to follow her orders.

Griffin only sat down on the bed once he’d made himself comfortable in the chair and was all focused on her. She brought her foot on the bed to make it easier to put on the shoe presenting him with quite the view of how wet she was, making his cock throb with the need he hadn’t released and she was looking to exploit.

She was trying to kill him, he knew it. There was no other reason for that display. Not to mention that she never once looked at him, playing focused on her activities even though he knew she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. Not when he was this distracted.

She repeated the same process with the other shoe taking her sweet time and letting him stew in his desire and impatience–and what a terrible combination that was in his situation–as he felt his muscles readying themselves for attack and making him actively hold back if he wanted to be good. And he did. He wanted to be as good for her as she was to him.

“Okay,” Griffin said once she was ready and sitting normally again. “You can come back here now,” she said, her eyes locked with his and she didn’t break the contact even as he got up and moved closer, making her crane her neck by coming to stand in front of her.

He was so close he could feel her breath on his skin. It trailed an invisible path over it he wished she’d follow with her lips before pressing her body into his to erase all of his thoughts altogether.

Her hands were on his sides and pushing, moving him backwards as she stood up and directed them away from the bed where there was more empty space. The feeling of her palms pressed in those delicate areas and the clear games she was playing only added up to make the feeling of vulnerability more distinct but–even to his own surprise–he was loving it. He was clearly hers to do with him as she pleased and she was right there to hold him steady. Steadier than he’d ever felt before, grounded in her softness as he was.

“There,” she let her gaze roam over him and take him in with all of the submission he was currently wearing like a second skin. “You stay still,” she said as she looked him in the eyes and brought her face closer, close enough to tempt him to kiss her and break the order, “and quiet.” She leaned in, letting her hot breath hit his ear to see if she’d get a shiver running through him. “No begging to touch or to come,” she whispered, the sound going straight to his erection with the duality of how quiet it was and how much power it still had over him. Not to mention all the scenarios she had running wild in his head and driving him insane when the desire to rush headlong into her plans clashed with her order. “Unless you want to stop,” Griffin pulled back and locked eyes with him, dead serious and not allowing him to protest against the notion as she continued. “If you feel even the smallest discomfort you tell me to stop and I’ll do it immediately.”

“I know,” he said as he held her gaze to soothe any doubts, in him or in herself, on both ends. He had a hard time admitting his weakness but she was all the strength he needed to be as open as the experience would require. He wanted to be open with her and not let any past pain come in the way of receiving all she could give him just because he’d have to give himself. Every part of him he gave had always been safe in her hands.

“I didn’t hear that,” Griffin said calmly but arched an eyebrow at him in expectation, the firmness in her grounding him instead of trapping him.

“I know, Griffin,” Valtor amended, letting his breath leave him as a tribute to her, to how easily she was adapting to her role and how well she knew when to be stern and when to reassure. He’d known she’d do great and he hoped she was as comfortable as she was appearing to be as her comfort spilled into him, too, and he was more at ease in his skin than he’d ever been with her gaze caressing him with the affirmation everything he was doing was right. And that was definitely a first in his existence that had always been so wrong.

“Good,” Griffin said more gently this time but she was quickly pressing into him to begin his torment or perhaps a better word would be resume. Though, he was willing to deduce she wouldn’t take too long with that if she’d let him keep the condom on. Unless, of course, that was exactly the thought she wanted planted in his head.

Her breasts pushed into his chest and her perky nipples against his skin were like buttons pressed that released in him the impulse to touch instantly but he’d be damned if he failed to comply so fast. He had more restraint than that and he would hunt down all of it to follow her orders even when all he wanted was to pull her into his lap and tie together the ends of the string of pleasure they’d severed. He had to trust she was weaving a whole net around him to fall comfortably into.

“You’re doing well,” Griffin startled him as she spoke the words against his skin pulling slightly away to get her lips over his heart as if she wanted to put the reassurance directly in it and he wanted to protest against the burn of knowing he hadn’t deserved it but staying quiet was the way to fix that. “I know you want to touch,” Griffin murmured before pressing a kiss to his peck that soothed all tension trying to creep in with the promise she would protect him from the impulses tearing at him. “I’d want to touch, too,” Griffin said as she moved away, filling him with the need to groan in protest but he held it back to be rewarded with a hand quickly trailing down his front, “if our roles were reversed,” Griffin put a dangerous thought in his head only to jerk him back to her disappearing touch right as it reached his lower abdomen. It missed where he wanted it for an inch and made him miss the contact of their skin.

She moved behind his back and he did his best to just breathe and stay relaxed. It was okay and he trusted her to be so close even with his instincts screaming at him that he was a fool. He sheltered his thoughts in the pulsing of his heart in his veins as if it was trying to create waves in space that would draw her touch to his skin. That would soothe every objection his wounded mind could ever have.

“Just...” a finger connected to the nape of his neck triggering a jolt through him as the simple touch shook his whole being, “relax,” Griffin said as she let her other hand fall on his shoulder and ground him there with her. “Let yourself feel,” her voice was so low, lulling all his worries to sleep and leaving him open to enjoy the feel of her skin as her finger trailed down his spine in a caress he’d never allowed anyone else in fear of them breaking him in half. But he could trust her to let her do as she pleased. “Focus on my touch,” she whispered in his ear, this time from behind, and he closed his eyes to chase away any other stimuli and have his whole being free to feel her only.

Griffin’s mouth was where her finger had started, giving him the softness of her lips to sink in and drown any stray thoughts that had escaped the seductive fire her voice had swallowed his mind into. He was all hers and nothing else was allowed a hold on him. Not any sensations that she didn’t give and not any insecurities he’d been dragging with him his whole life and feeling them clawing at his insides. Just her being making him feel things.

Her mouth moved lower pressing kisses over all the skin that was exposed to her and making him struggle to contain the impulses bursting from his heart to push himself into her more and offer himself to her. Her lips graced his back with their tenderness over and over again, leaving him entranced as he was carried into the wave of her kisses. Nothing existed but the warmth of her affection sinking into his flesh as he held his breath and all the rest of himself and waited for more, for her to give him everything because he knew she would and he didn’t have to move a muscle to get it. He just had to keep still and allow himself to fall into all of her softness...

A gasp tore from him when she raked her nails over his skin and he felt the smile pulling at her lips that were still pressed into his back. She was smug over how quickly he’d fallen for her mind games and he’d be mad if it were anyone else but with her he didn’t need to protect his pride since it was never her intention to hurt it. She was just peeling it away to let him feel.

She returned to kissing, her hand rubbing over the lines she’d made on his skin with her nails while the other was on his waist and keeping him in place and he appreciated the contact even though he was trying to stay alert, for she certainly wasn’t done with her mindfuck. She wanted him to let his guard down again and he probably had to let her play him but he wanted to make her work for it as we-

Griffin’s teeth sank in the skin above his waist startling him, making him pull away on instinct but she didn’t release him. He hadn’t expected it so soon after her previous detour from the course of kisses. He’d thought he was prepared only to give her something to use against him.

“Jumpy, are we?” she asked after letting go of him and he had to admit to himself it’d been hot to be held between her teeth just like he was clearly in the palm of her hand and he could do nothing about it. Lucky him.

He wondered if he should respond as she hadn’t told him anything about answering questions–though, that one was rhetoric so probably not–but decided to do it anyway.

It was a moan that came out of his parted lips instead when he felt her hand sliding over his balls and then forward to his length from between his legs. Her words had closed off his mind for the feeling of her hand leaving his back and it was turning to mush from the paradoxes she wove around him that were so hard to comprehend as she played him like that, used his focus on her against him. He’d known she’d drive him crazy and she had barely started, her fingers just teasing over his erection to check if she’d lure a movement from his hips without really trying to get one. He would’ve had no choice but to give it, otherwise.

She let go of him and he found himself sighing in dejection over the loss of his torture. He didn’t have the time to truly miss her touch, though, with the clicking of her heels penetrating the silence around and she was back in front of him, her features schooled in smugness every bit of which she’d earned. She was enchanting.

“You want more?” Griffin asked, making him swallow before nodding vigorously because, of course, he did. She’d barely given him a taste of all she could do to him and he was already addicted, his heart pulling him to break her order and engulf her in his arms just as badly as his body was. He wanted everything she’d give him.

“You’ll have to return the favor in advance,” Griffin said to make his mouth drop open.

He’d get to touch her.

He barely contained himself from leaning forward under the strain to grab at her. She hadn’t tortured him long but he was eager to feel her, to affect her just like she’d done to him. He hated being so lonely in his impatience and he’d leap at the chance to bring her next to him in his desperation and have her working them both to their orgasms. And his body seemed to agree with him, his muscles tensing at the thought of release as if to nudge him towards it.

Griffin stepped closer again but left some distance between their bodies still. “Play with my hair,” she said, nearly drawing a question out of him although, he should have seen that coming.

She held his gaze urging him to obey and turned around right as he raised his hand to tangle in her hair, the strands brushing against his skin at the motion and making his breath hitch once again with how close the contact was to where he wanted her hands. She must have planned it. And she was reveling in the knowledge she could influence him so easily, with a simple movement. Though, perhaps it was the atmosphere they had set around them and the air of subtle yet powerful dominance coming from her that made him so responsive to her tricks. Either way, he loved it.

He threaded his hands in her hair mostly seeing the sigh that left her in the way her shoulders sank a little rather than hearing it and drew encouragement from it to go on and do what she liked. He combed his fingers through the purple strands enjoying the sight of the soothing color and the immediate response he got from her.

She didn’t hold back her moans. Of course she didn’t. Just because her power over him was more official now didn’t mean that it would be any different. It didn’t mean she’d try to withhold her pleasure from him and he was offended on her behalf by his own behavior, by the doubts that she’d conquered again and again only to have them thrown in her face every time despite that. He clenched his teeth even though he knew it wouldn’t grind them to dust. It never had and they still lurked in his mind even after Griffin had put so much effort into becoming the only thing in it but they would just win if he let them occupy his attention instead of putting it where it needed to be – on pleasing her.

Valtor moved his fingers in the strands, tugging on them and twirling them gently to have that feather-light pull at her scalp that felt tingly and had her shivering. He was instantly lost in all the things he’d missed when he’d been consumed with his own pleasure and the rest of her body and hadn’t paid much attention to the hair-pulling as a separate activity all the other times they’d done it.

Her hair was unfamiliarly soft on his skin and the effect it had on her to feel him play with it struck him like lightning. He’d thought it was his thrusts that had had all those luscious moans falling from her mouth but now it became clear that a big part of the volume had come from his hands in the purple tresses. The information was potentially upsetting with the wound it could leave on his ego but learning it left him finally able to do more for her and not forget to pay attention to her hair. Perhaps that had been her intention behind having him do that now and he welcomed the message as her pleasure was of great interest to him, his penis twitching as if to agree when she gifted him with a loud gasp.

He was fascinated with all the moans he got from her now that his attention intact instead of it being pulled apart between her orgasm and his. It was just her satisfaction he was after and the apparent success made him almost painfully hard although he hadn’t even gotten to touch any of her skin. He never would’ve guessed how much he could do for her just by having his hands in her hair but it made him want to run his fingers through it constantly if that desire hadn’t been instilled in his heart already.

“Okay,” Griffin took a second for a deep breath after a particularly loud moan he’d gotten with the gentlest pull to confirm that subtlety was his greatest weapon when breaking down her collected facade and he stashed the memory deep into his mind where it’d be safe even as she pulled everything else out of him with her sweet dominance. “That’s enough,” she turned to him, her breathy voice music to his ears if her moans hadn’t been an entire symphony already. “Time to move on,” she cupped his cheek but it was his chest that kept pushing itself up and towards her at the thought of what would happen next.

It got her attention and she moved her finger over his lips before she let her whole hand trail down to his ribcage and rested it there, feeling it rising and falling in tact with the movements of his lungs and he let himself soak up the contact. He missed her skin on his, especially after she’d let their bodies touch so thoroughly right before she’d decided on denying him more of that heaven. His fingers were twitching at his sides with the need to stroke all of her just like his penis was desperate for her acknowledgment.

Griffin wrapped her free hand around his erection as if she’d heard the plea making him gasp out his surprise at the slickness of her grip before he realized it was her own arousal. His hands rose to grab at her waist and steady him but he slammed his own breaks at the last moment which brought a smile on her face and he wasn’t sure if the source of it was the control he’d lost to her mind games or the fact that he managed to regain it and hold himself back from stepping all over her rules. It was probably a mix of both of those but he had no time to ponder that.

“Griffin,” he whined out his confusion along with the pleasure she had spreading through him. Her touch was heavenly on the spots where he needed it but what was she doing? He certainly couldn’t have pleased her enough to have earned his own pleasure already.

“I do believe you weren’t supposed to speak,” Griffin said, her tone calm and her hand still moving over him despite the punishment he deserved for his transgression.

“I don’t understand,” he said, his voice strangled in breathlessness with all of his air under her control which was fine with him. She could take everything she wanted and he’d give it happily but she was giving him and he couldn’t make sense of it.

“You don’t need to,” Griffin took even more of his breath away when he’d thought she already had all of it. “All you need to do is feel,” she said, taking away the weight from his shoulders, too, and he felt so light, so empty of everything and ready to be filled with what she’d give him. “Your pleasure is mine to give and take,” Griffin pushed more, further into the new reality where he didn’t have to make any choices, where he was free to just exist and accept her will as his.

It made him moan, his hips pushing into her palm at the thought of how utterly he was eager to surrender to her, how completely he trusted her to take care of him in his vulnerability and not use it against him. Not with malicious intent anyway. He didn’t have anything against the way she kept him guessing and played with his mind, not just with his body, to bring him pleasure.

“There’s no logic to this, Valtor,” Griffin’s tongue caressed the letters of his name to have the sounds come out and caress his brain with the seduction they were woven from, making him lean even more into her, into her touch and into her presence as she was so close and so generous. “I do as I please and you take it,” Griffin said, the smugness dripping off of her and drowning him right before she pulled away, taking his stimulation with her and finally letting him fill his lungs with air without the pleasure she’d give him to keep them full.

He gasped loudly, drawing in the air she wanted him to take now that she wasn’t giving him anything else and opened his eyes to see her chest mirroring the movements of his–though, perhaps the intensity was lesser–but he knew she was breathing in pleasure. It was there, in her eyes, taking over the golden and making it darken to seduce him into the cover of her arousal.

“Your turn now,” Griffin reached for his wrist and closed her fingers around it. “Finger me.” She brought his hand up and pressed it into her inner thigh letting him feel the arousal dripping down her leg.

Valtor sucked in a breath as his fingers latched on to her skin and dived into the wetness on it. She was drenched and it had his eyes rolling in the back of his head. It was all because of him, because he’d chosen to submit to her.

The aggressive flood of desire that washed over him poured out in a grunt despite the order to keep quiet–it was mostly discarded at that point anyway but he still wanted to try to keep to it–at how easily his fingers slid inside her and how her walls immediately gripped at them. He used two as he normally would even though she could certainly take three with how soaked she was. His penis throbbed more intensely at the thought of sliding inside her arousal but she hadn’t given him permission to do that yet so he’d have to do with using his fingers to please her for now. He pressed his palm against her clit for more stimulation but her hand was on his wrist again and pulling it away.

“I didn’t tell you to do that,” Griffin locked eyes with him to remind him it was her place to make all the decisions, “but since you’re so eager to please, we can utilize all resources.” She let go of his hand only to grab at the other one and press it into her breast giving a pant when she used his fingers to squeeze.

Valtor froze. Not because of the sound, unfortunately, as enthralling as it was. And the effect was only exacerbated once she let go of him and left him on his own. He’d handled the hair-pulling before but it had been the perfect proof that he hadn’t paid close enough attention on how best to satisfy her and he didn’t know if he was up to it. He didn’t want to see the familiar look of disappointment shove all the want out of her golden stare and the arousal practically flowing down his fingers didn’t help as it had been his surrender that had gotten her soaked, not his initiative.

“Valtor,” Griffin’s hand was on his cheek, the other one resting on his shoulder as if she found enough trust in him to let him hold every part of her. His name drew him back to her even though it didn’t carry that tempting energy it had before but was instead soothing and gentle with the care she laced in the sound of it. “Stay with me, okay?” she asked as if she’d peeked into his head to see the words of his problem.

Her hand moved from his shoulder down his arm and then to her body, under her breast and trailing up before cupping it at which Griffin closed her eyes but her thumb was still moving over his cheek and brushing away any thought that tried to attack his mind and keep his focus off the lesson she was giving him in how to please her. Her fingers ran over the outlines of her breast as if to acknowledge its existence but keep her suspended in anticipation of pleasure just as her lips parted to stay open as if begging the air to come in and fill her as she had yet to experience the ecstasy she could get from both him and herself.

It reminded him to move his fingers and he pumped them in and out of her, taking notice of the motion and letting it entrance him but not to the point where it kept him from following what she was doing to herself and trying his best to emulate it to have her breath hitching. She was generous enough to want to teach him what he should have known by now.

He mirrored the movements of her fingers leaving the same gentle traces over the breast she’d let him take care of that she gifted herself with even if it took efforts to keep himself from falling behind just because he was hypnotized by the image she made for as she pleasured herself. She was doing it more for him rather than for herself and he needed to keep his head in the game, have the subtle reactions she was letting him witness at her caresses imprinted on his brain.

He had to hold back from giving her everything he had when her chest pushed into his palm since she wasn’t in a rush to answer the silent plea and kept her fingers tracing the outside of her breast, barely closing in on the nipple as if she had no interest in the destination if she didn’t get to explore the road to it. It wasn’t something he understood but he followed her pace knowing she had a better idea of how to satisfy herself than he did and soaking in all the little things his mind could take a hold of. Like the movement of her hand from his cheek to the side of his neck and then to his shoulder as she sought to steady herself in the pleasure gently sweeping at her and the way the rhythm of her breathing was disrupted by the caresses of their hands forming a pattern that had her chest rising to press closer into the touch she was deliberately withholding.

It was still doing its job, more arousal drenching her thighs and his fingers as he pushed them inside her and her hips moving to meet the thrusts seeking more stimulation that he could give her if she hadn’t forbidden it. The soft sigh falling from her lips snapped through his restraint with how much more powerful it could have been if she’d stop torturing them both and let him touch her the way he wanted to.

“Why do you insist on denying yourself, Griffin?” Valtor asked, his voice harsh against his ears with the frustration pouring out on them the possibility of her desire fizzling out as she was pulled out of her heated haze that she’d taken the time to build so steadily. He had to fight the frantic impulse entering his muscles and keep the pace of his ministrations as slow as she wanted it. No need to do more damage, and he’d gladly take a punishment to make up for what he’d ruined.

Her eyes opened slowly as if not to chase away the bliss that’d had them closed and she found his gaze, no annoyance in the golden irises to fill the emptiness of her interrupted process.

She raised a hand to stroke his hair. “Delayed gratification,” she said simply before her fingers closed in the blond strands and she tugged softly, drawing a surprised gasp from him. “Just like I’m not quick to deal out a punishment before you’re done breaking my rules,” her fingers trailing over his cheek in a feather-light touch that tickled and made him put effort into not pulling away. “I’ll give you a hand with that,” Griffin leaned into him, forcing him to adjust himself quickly if he didn’t want to disrupt the stimulation he was providing for her. “Put that mouth to better use than getting you in trouble,” she whispered in his ear before her hand closed into his hair and pulled his head down as Griffin moved away, guiding him to her breast.

He didn’t have time to think and panic about it with so many actions to coordinate in the name of her pleasure, and his. He had to maintain the pace of his fingers pushing and curling inside her and focus on the firmness of his touch on her breasts. He had his lips latching on to the spot he remembered her fingertips had last traced to place a kiss before he let his tongue lick at her skin. He was pleased to hear the quiet moan that left her at the wet contact.

He wanted more, wanted to give her more and hear more of her appreciation, her voice in his ears the best way to lead him out of the doubts he couldn’t see through. And her body arching into him like a snake trying to get into the skin of the building orgasm he was wrapping around her was enough to entrance his fingers into speeding up but he couldn’t rush when she wanted it nice and slow. He wanted to use the opportunity to focus on her now that chasing his own release wasn’t distracting him and she seemed grateful as she clutched at his arm and threaded her fingers through his hair keeping him close and marking his body with proof of the sensations he was bringing her just like the sounds spilling from her were running down his spine to have him shiver.

He’d just made his way to her nipple, to closing his lips around it, when she tugged him gently away, her other hand releasing him to pry his off her breast.

She let herself push her hips against his fingers a few more times before she caught that hand and drew it away as well, leaving him missing the snug feeling of how perfectly they’d fit inside her. “That’s enough,” her voice barely came out through the swirl of air leaving her lips as she panted helplessly in an attempt to fight the breathlessness he’d brought her to. Yet, the words were still said, pushing at his ability to contain himself.

“You haven’t come yet,” he said only to start cursing internally at his mistakes, “Griffin,” he added to fix at least the one that he could. It was too late to take back the words altogether.

Griffin smiled at him, letting her knuckles brush against his cheek as if in gratitude for his concern for her orgasm. “Neither have you,” she spoke softly and it was so low of her to bring his attention to his own arousal as he was left unsatisfied.

His penis twitched as if in response to the indirect mention to draw both their focus on releasing all the desire Valtor had gathered and it only became worse when Griffin brought his hand up and licked at the fingers that had just been inside her.

He gave a low moan that felt extremely insufficient once she wrapped her lips around his digits to suck them clean and he had to break eye contact. His will was not strong enough to keep his focus off her mouth even when he could feel the golden burning into him with how intent her gaze was, could feel her drinking in the sight of how enchanted he was by her and the way she toyed with him.

Griffin released his fingers with a pop, the sound of sloppiness that he knew she made on purpose resonating through him to find no release. “Let’s fix that,” Griffin laced her fingers with his which did not do as much to distract him from the implication in her words as he would have liked it to.

She pulled him into a kiss, her hand running over his neck as if testing for his pulse to decide how much more he could take or rather how much more she could get away with pushing him. Her tongue was in his mouth and letting him taste the traces of her arousal on her own, making breathing even more of an issue. As if it wasn’t already labored enough from having her leading the kiss. She was claiming that as her territory now, too, claiming all of him, and he needed to hold on to her but he’d already broken the rules enough times.

Griffin pulled away, staying close to him, her lips just barely an inch away from his. “Kneel,” she whispered but even that soft sound hit him hard enough to have pulled away from her if she hadn’t been holding him tight.

There was a beat of hesitation as it took him just a second to choke down the protest in him and sink to his knees. It was Griffin he was kneeling for. It was a gesture of worship, not debasement. And she would never look down on him except in the literal sense of the words since she was towering over him now and had no other way of looking at him. But there was still as much respect and affection–if not even more–in her eyes as there had been before and her fingers were still entangled with his without anything to break through their connection.

He tried to focus on his breathing and get it back into rhythm now that it was clear she wasn’t repulsed by what she was seeing but it proved impossible at the sight of her sinking down too.

Her thighs pressed to her front keeping her body hidden from his gaze to urge him to look at her face but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to be face to face with her understanding. He couldn’t accept that he’d let her see his doubts in her and that she forgave him. It was proof it had happened and he wanted to escape the memory of his betrayal.

“Valtor.” Her gentleness stabbed him in the heart with the awareness of how undeserving of it he was. “Look at me,” she lifted his chin with the hand that was free of his death grip and he wanted to call the action betrayal of his trust in her but it was the exact opposite. She wasn’t using the power he’d given her to hurt him. She was just trying to help him and he was being the ungrateful brat that he’d always been. “I know how hard it must be for you to put yourself in my hands like that,” Griffin started only after he finally caught her eye and he had to keep looking at her if he wanted to get it over with but he couldn’t let her see what was going on in his head and she was too good at that.

He averted his gaze.

It wasn’t. It wasn’t hard at all. But he couldn’t tell her that because it didn’t make sense and he would risk scaring her away when logic was her lifestyle. He couldn’t tell her how much he yearned to have met her before all those doubts had had the chance to set in his head and mold his brain to be the home to so many obstacles in her way to him. He couldn’t tell her she made the monsters retreat. He couldn’t allow himself to guilt trip her into staying if she didn’t want to. He couldn’t allow himself to be a monster to her when she was his light.

“You’re not the problem, Griffin,” he just said instead. It was something he knew to be true and it was far easier to admit than the uncertainty his whole being harbored as it was the only thing he was good enough to keep inside of him. He didn’t know how to hold on to happiness like she did even though she was helping him make happy memories. They had trouble surviving in all the darkness life had spilled into his head.

“You’re not either,” Griffin said and he had to look at her because she’d read his thoughts again. He’d start thinking she had magic or telepathy. “Everyone who failed to see you for who you are is the problem,” she said, the golden burning soothingly and threateningly simultaneously, making him feel safe and fear for all those who’d made him feel like scum for he knew she’d hurt them if she ever got the chance. And his heart swelled despite the fact that he was making her darken her own with the hatred he was putting in there. He shouldn’t repay her like that for everything she’d done for him.

“Who am I?” he asked instead, selfish to the very end as he’d been the only one who’d ever given a damn about him if he didn’t count the fluke in the universal fabric that his friends had turned out to be. And even her gentle touch hadn’t been able to unwrap him from the cobweb of that trap yet as it stuck to the walls of his consciousness like it was the only thing holding his broken pieces together and he was too afraid of falling apart to let go of it.

“A person who is to be given affection,” Griffin said and cupped his cheek making him want to look away but if he did, she’d continue her speech and she’d make him cry, he knew it. He couldn’t cry now. He wanted to focus on the good parts, and that was her. Her and her pleasure.

“Good thing I have you,” he let just enough playfulness in the words to move them on from the topic. He knew he was safe telling her that after what she’d just said. The safest he’d ever been, and he wanted to savor the moment, not waste it going through the emotional baggage that would be right there on his shoulders after they were done. It would always be there and in that he was even more certain than he was in her. And admitting it was just another suitcase threatening to rip his muscles apart with its weight so he needed to feel her, he needed her ecstasy to save him from the misery he was always locked in.

“You do,” Griffin let her hand fall to his shoulder as if to ground him there as she rose slightly. She didn’t give any panic time to settle as she made herself comfortable on his thigh, the wetness of her arousal on his skin drowning out everything else and helping the bad memories his brain was made of dissolve when she was right there, wanting and moaning.

The sounds quickly started spilling from her mouth as she rode his thigh and he couldn’t keep his head above the flood of pleasure coming from her. He had to touch. He’d broken the rules already anyway.

His hands were on her arms draping them over his shoulders to help them both – her with something to brace herself against and him with giving him unobstructed access to her body. His touch was everywhere, groping at her thighs and ass and stroking over her sides and abdomen. His fingers found her nipples to pinch and tweak as his lips attached to her throat to kiss his desire into her and have her help him release it from his system when she came.

It didn’t take long at all for her to reach the edge and he would have been surprised if it’d been otherwise considering how drenched she was. Just the thought was enough to make his eyes roll in the back of his head but her wetness all over his thigh was pushing him to the edge all on its own. If she kept it up, he’d probably come without her even touching his erection and that was just another link in the vicious circle of arousal she’d bound him in. It was the best position in which she could have tied him up.

She started shaking and he pulled her into himself and held her close as she bucked and moaned, her hips still moving to provide the friction she needed to ride out the orgasm and he’d be happy for those vibrations to disintegrate him and release all the need coiling in him. There was a sheen of sweat covering her skin from the exertion but he couldn’t care less. He’d love her to stick to him and stay where he could feel her until the memory of not touching her was gone from his muscles, in fact.

Griffin nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck, her hot breath hitting his skin almost too much stimulation to his aroused being but he only held her close, offering her the comfort and peace she needed to calm down after the intensity of her orgasm.

“That was glorious,” Griffin rewarded him for his patience by letting the words get directly under his skin and flow into his veins spreading through his whole body a sense of fulfillment and desperation.

“Sounded so,” Valtor chuckled. “Also looked like that,” he added. “I just couldn’t get a feel of it.” Okay, so that wasn’t entirely true as he’d felt her whole body squirming in his grasp and shaking from the waves of the orgasm that washed over him with the frustration he could feel taking over his being. He just hadn’t gotten to feel her walls clenching around him and pulling his own release out of him.

Griffin pulled away to look him in the eyes. “Get me to the bed and I’m all yours.”

Her sentence was almost interrupted by the squeak that left her when his hands slid to the back of her thighs with the speed of light and he picked her up in a second, laying her down on the mattress in the next, his legs having no time to be weak as he was on the bed already and climbing on top of her.

“You’re mine,” he said as he let his lips attach to her throat again to seek confirmation of his statement in her veins.

“I’m yours,” Griffin gave him a verbal one as well and he felt it reverberating through her throat followed by a moan as he thrust inside her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes this monstrosity, at last. This chapter took ages and a ton of motivation and patience but I am actually really happy with how it turned out considering how much there was to cover.
> 
> No sexual content in this one but there is a discussion of various kinks and setting of hard limits and other boundaries. Potentially some triggering things in the parts where they discuss past experiences such as sex mishaps and some carelessness bordering on consent issues.

His gaze was running over the pages too fast for him to comprehend the blur of letters. He’d tried to fill the emptiness that Griffin’s absence left in his apartment with the book she’d lent him but all he’d managed was attempting to feel her skin from where she’d held the pages while going through them.

She usually gave him a fantasy novel or a good mystery that had the cogs in his mind turning to find the answer to the puzzle. Dramas weren’t that rare on her reading list either and the one or two she’d recommended to him had been just the perfect level of dramatic.

This time, however, she’d left him a romance novel–he’d been more surprised by the fact that she’d thought he’d like it rather than by the fact that she owned it–and that was bad enough in and of itself with how it sent his heart racing towards her but all he had was his own yearning to drown into. The sex scene he’d painstakingly made his way to only had him spiraling down the rabbit hole of fantasies that had his head spinning. It wouldn’t have been a problem if she’d been there to catch him. In the empty apartment, though, it was like flooring the gas on a car that had no brakes.

He glanced at his phone once again only to find the screen still as dark as a black hole in space eating all of his patience and attention.

Griffin had asked for a few days and had promised to call him when she was done with whatever homework she’d mentioned. They both still had work to get in the way of their personal lives and he’d even tried to use his own as a distraction to kill the time. He’d had no other options after he’d been unable to fall asleep again once he’d woken up–getting up earlier on the weekends had become a reflex as what he opened his eyes to was the pearly smile on her face that only accentuated the golden gleam of her gaze–and training had left his mind too unoccupied to be bearable. Even the paperwork making him want to throw himself out the window instead of simply shred it to pieces had proven powerless against the fantasies of her company, however.

He’d relocated from his study to the dining room where his eyes were more often on the kitchen island than on the book as Griffin’s presence was more tangible there. He could still see her cooking for him after their little experiment when he’d been too exhausted to stand up. It had been so intimate to have her moving around his kitchen–it had become her realm along with the rest of his apartment ever since he’d first brought her there and they rarely went out anymore–and all he wanted was to have her in his eyes and his arms again. Though, that last part was rather questionable were they to continue with their arrangement. Just another reason for anticipation to scorch at him like he was a meal forgotten in the oven.

A knock on the door pulled his gaze away from the page in front of him. Normally, he wouldn’t have heard it–pretty much the entire point of not having a doorbell–but he had nothing other than quiet to keep him company so even an annoying neighbor would prove welcome. Just this once, as an exception.

He pushed the bookmark between the pages hastily and made his way to the door in a semi-successful delusion that he was keeping to his usual unhurried pace. He didn’t need his impatience leaving the wrong impression in whoever was at the door or in him.

Any one of his friends would have called before dropping by so the best he could hope for was someone asking him to take care of their plants which he might have gotten slightly more interested in since he’d met Griffin. He’d always been more for animals but waking up to her talking to the gardenias he’d gotten her and promising to take good care of them–which he’d learned wasn’t such an easy task when she’d laughed at seeing them and had told him they could be pretentious while she’d checked them for white flies–had made him view plants as living organisms, too.

He’d ended up with Dracaena–one in his apartment and one in his office–that he was handling for the moment so he was more confident in his plant care skills and could even accept the request. Especially if it was the elderly lady from the floor above whose pleasantries he’d always taken as annoying before but Griffin had spent two minutes talking to her and the old woman had looked like she’d cry from happiness. It had made perfect sense with Griffin’s explanation that the woman was just looking for some human contact now that her children had their own lives.

He’d tried talking to her the next time he’d seen her on the stairs–apparently, she had claustrophobia that kept her from using the elevator even at that age and he preferred the exercise of climbing the stairs after a whole day in his office chair–and the gratefulness she’d radiated had been still as surprising but not any less invigorating–especially since she’d told him what a cute couple he and Griffin made–and he’d found himself making small talk with her ever since. He could use some company himself. Unless of course it was his next door neighbor with a complaint about the noise again.

He swung the door open at the face of a potential confrontation only to find himself staring at the warmest smile he’d ever seen and the golden eyes that had his brain melting from giddy confusion. And the waves of purple hair spilling over the light brown of her coat weren’t helping either, tempting him to tangle his hands in them and hear her moans.

“Griffin? What are you-”

Her lips were on his, effectively shutting down his entire system for anything that wasn’t her being. The seductive perfume fumes rolling off of her filled his lungs along with her breath that carried a faint taste of mint. It only accentuated the sharp feeling of freshness her closeness brought him and the impulse to lock all that in his embrace only registered when her fingers circled his wrists and held them off her body. She seemed to have more presence of mind than him in the heat of her kiss and it looked like she’d come to play.

Her tongue came out to greet him, tangling with his and erasing any memory of questioning her visit, nearly destroying his ability to speak altogether since no words would allow him to caress her the same way the kiss did. And she had his hands on her, sliding over her neck to feel her heart saluting their warmth and tenderness. He could fall to his knees for her right then and there if it wouldn’t pull him out of the kiss that he wanted to savor and Griffin kept giving until he couldn’t take anymore and had to pull away.

It left him gasping for air and staring at her to drink in the view, which may have been exactly her goal since she wasn’t quick to pull away from him until it dawned on him that the door was still open behind them.

Griffin must have heard the pieces clicking in his head now that his breathing was somewhat reined in and moved to grab the shopping bag she’d left on the threshold–his mind ran away from him with the idea she’d done it to be free of everything else and give him a proper greeting clasped into it tightly like it was a piece of gold in the hands of a thief he couldn’t catch–and close the door. No need to give the neighbors a spectacle if they hadn’t already. And he very much preferred to keep her all to himself.

“What’s that?” he asked, the pull of curiosity so irresistible that it had his eyes leaving her to find the bag she was holding. It could easily be full of groceries for dinner but his mind insisted it had something to do with the arrangement they’d made the previous week. Griffin’s behavior sure seemed like a confirmation.

Her fingers on his neck fished his attention out of the thoughts in his head and had it back on her just in time for the full intensity of the quick kiss she pulled him into to hit him. Her lips were on his again only to be gone the next second and leave him with the shock of having his whole body pulled into her orbit just to be released again. The tone of dominance was sharp like a crystal shard and cut off any other thought aside from his willingness to surrender to her demand to be hers.

“Those are a lot of questions from you when I’ll need answers instead,” Griffin left the bag dangling on his coat rack and grabbed his hand pulling him away to make sure he wouldn’t look. Not that he’d dare after the clear sign to focus on her. And the coat she was wearing at the very end of June. Piquing his interest was a priority for her if she was ready to pay such a high price for it.

She dragged him back to the table in the dining room, a smile tugging at her lips at the sight of the book lying there but no comment to follow it. It was the loudest statement that he’d been thinking about her and it needed no words from either one of them, the content obvious on her face and in the way she squeezed his hand.

She turned around to face him and leaned in, her lips so close to his he could kiss them if he dared breathe but she paused there and he had to wait for her initiative no matter how badly he wanted more of that red lipstick smeared over him and out of the way so that he could taste her naked lips. She wasn’t in a hurry as she looked at him instead, her eyelids rising slowly until she caught his gaze. The light air of control coming from the golden waved through all the blockages in his mind to release the yearning he’d managed to contain behind the memories of their kiss and the breath rushing out of his lungs seemed to chase her away but she only leaned further into him instead, her lips tickling his ear with their proximity.

“Sit,” the word caressed his hearing despite the hissing sound it contained and he gladly let it slither inside him and wrap around his muscles to have him do as instructed.

Griffin didn’t let go of his hand even as he made it back into the chair he’d had trouble keeping himself in before, her order grounding him firmly in place.

“We have things to discuss,” Griffin said, the smile on her lips what made him aware he’d parted his to suck in a breath. Her smugness was all his doing, her effect on him coming through in every movement. “Unless there’s something else you want to do?” That was just wicked when he had slight trouble breathing and couldn’t even admit his eagerness. Not verbally, at least.

Valtor shook his head not trusting his voice to form the right words–or any words, really–now that she’d already seduced him into his role of submission after she hadn’t said a thing about it all week. He’d barely heard her voice, which had been especially harsh after he’d gotten used to her casual calls to ask about his day and bid him goodnight–sometimes scream his name to him despite all the physical distance between them and only his words, his sounds, to touch her with–and she’d shown up just like that, the best surprise he could’ve asked for.

“You’re going to have to do better than that with your answers in the future,” Griffin’s words lacked a bite, “or I will have to punish you,” she bent over to bring their faces close again, her free hand resting on his knee, much farther away from where he wanted her than his thoughts were.

Keeping his gaze on hers and not on the distraction of her cleavage she was offering so generously for the price of unknown consequences was a challenge. Even his best efforts couldn’t save him once she brought his hand up to her mouth and let her breath caress it before her teeth bit down into it like he was a meal she’d cooked and he didn’t know how far off from the truth he wanted to be in that comparison. She would never hurt him–not intentionally, at least–and he was ready to forgive any mistake she could make when the pain was accompanied by her gentleness.

“Ouch?” he offered, the playful sound paving the way for a sheepish smile.

Griffin released his hand only after she caught his gaze again, possessive over his attention and holding all of it carefully. “Did I hurt you?” the teasing tone only thinly veiled all the care in the core of her voice. “Let’s go over our rules so that you can spare yourself other punishments,” she didn’t give him the chance to get a sound out of his open mouth protecting him from his own cleverness. All good with him as long as they were getting closer to having her on top of him.

The protest echoed inside him when she let go of his hand and moved to sit down as well.

“Is there a problem?” Griffin asked, her own face mirroring the frown his was distorted into.

She’d noticed his discomfort, of course. She was good at that. So good he didn’t know what she was doing in his apartment when they were people and not magnets and the difference between them was supposed to push her away and not draw her near. And if it was a broken law of nature that was keeping her with him, then he hoped it would never be fixed.

“No,” he shook his head for extra emphasis but his eyes still followed the outlines of her coat, the way she held it closed over her legs to deny his gaze access to them and deny his heart rest, his mind racing with assumptions and forcing it to keep up.

Griffin seemed to catch on to that as well. “Valtor, we need to be honest with each other for this to work,” she said, making him swallow hard even as she offered him a hand instead of keeping it clutching at her coat.

It couldn’t ease any of his restlessness until he took it and he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to drag her down where she wouldn’t be able to breathe along with him. He had to do everything he could, everything in what little power he had, not to be the one to hurt her.

“It’s your coat.” His teeth clenched together to grind to dust the scream that wanted to claw its way out of his throat at her refusal to even react before he’d gotten everything out. Even if it made him choke, he had to keep it in, for it would certainly hurt more, hurt them both, if it reached their ears. “I feel like you’re preparing to leap out the door the moment I say something...” he trailed off under the insistent burn in her gaze that didn’t leave the impulse to belittle himself alone until it caught fire and crumbled in a heap of ash carried away by her even breaths, “wrong,” he said instead as that was somewhat more objective.

“That’s not a punishment I’ve ever considered,” the seriousness of her voice complemented so well the playfulness of the words and the warmth of her hand as she took his and held it safe in her palm, his fingers losing the tension of the impulse to fidget. “I’m here to discuss what will be acceptable to you and then keep to that,” her hand rested in his like his own heart hadn’t been able to do in his chest. “I would gladly remove the coat but that would spoil the surprise.”

That had him perk up instantly.

“Surprise?” he almost pulled his hand out of hers in his vigor. “Well, now you have to show me,” he squeezed her hand in a silent plea. His mind dumped various scenarios, all in different cuts and colors, before his eyes as to what could be hidden under the brown fabric of her coat and for the first time he wished he had magic.

Griffin smiled but the look in her eyes was still firmer than he could hope to be in his demand for her to show him. “I don’t want you getting distracted. We have important things to discuss.”

“Too late for that,” Valtor used what restraint he could find not to pull her hand over his penis and let her feel the proof for herself. It was getting harder to ignore as he held her touch between his fingers in an ironic tease that had him exercising control of his muscles to keep from taking more than she’d given or thrusting his hips against the emptiness between them to push it out of the way.

“Be patient for me.” The order was so striking with how much like a plea it sounded and he was sure he’d lose his mind to her if she kept feeding him paradoxes like that from her palm.

Luckily, she offered some respite as she cupped his cheek and he leaned into her tenderness that was just as good for him to lose himself in as her mind games and seduction were. He covered her hand with his, letting his touch slide down to soak up all the contact in his reach only to be met with cold at her wrist.

He looked down to find a wide silver cuff bracelet adorning the place, the cool shine of the metal mocking him as it concealed her skin from him and his gaze was clashing with hers in an instant to demand an explanation. She wasn’t much for jewelry and the most he’d seen on her had been a ring with an amethyst gem on her hand and a simple tree of life pendant lying calmly on her chest. The current piece was definitely out of place with its size and flashiness.

“Ediltrude lent them to me,” was all Griffin offered to have him glancing at her other wrist as he pulled her hand towards himself to find a matching bracelet there too, taunting him in company with her words. It was all a part of her plan and despite the shine coming from the jewelry, he was still in the dark when it came to that.

“You’ll burn me with curiosity,” Valtor murmured, half out of breath that was gone feeding the flames of yearning she was setting in his head.

“Well, you have ice, don’t you?” Griffin made his gaze dart to the fridge if only so that he could keep it off the smirk she was giving that made her lips too seductive. “We can put the fire out at any time,” her amused tone had him looking back at her which killed even the faintest idea to glare at her when she winked at him to complete the effect of the full smile she was giving him and have him in need of fingers pressing the reset button as he was crashing hard, all of his memory falling apart to make space for that image after he hadn’t managed to find a precedent anywhere in his system.

It was Griffin’s hand traveling from his cheek down his chest that had his brain kick into motion again and his muscles responded, pushing themselves into the safety of the touch.

She pulled away right as she was about to touch the need she’d grown in him from the little seed that had been planted from the moment the gold of her eyes had shined on him. “Let’s focus on the conversation, shall we?” she caught his gaze to steer him and it worked far more effortlessly than he’d expected it to. She’d given him a good motivator to focus on her.

“Okay,” he straightened in his chair to make himself comfortable. If there was one thing his job had taught him, it was to keep his mind calm during important discussions and any physical strain could very well get in the way. He needed to lose that first. If she would allow it. “What shall I call you while we’re in our roles?” he fired out, his thoughts harder to rein in than his trained muscles.

“There is time for that,” Griffin held him back, taking on the role of the self-control he often lacked outside of his profession like she was a part of his being. He couldn’t even mind the limitations she was putting on him when they kept the whole world out and her – inside with him. “We should start with the more important things first.”

“Oh?” His surprise was impossible to hide so he offered it to her as a gift. “You have a plan?” He should have known. She always had a plan for cooking dinner. She certainly wouldn’t leave assembling a scenario to blow his mind to chance.

“I did my best to do my homework.” The instant answer was accompanied with a smirk that dragged forward the realization in his mind even though she hadn’t showed teeth to bite into it.

He had to brace himself against the table to withstand the momentum of his thoughts that almost pushed him out of his chair and at her feet. “Wait, is that what you were doing all week? Planning this conversation?” That was... far more dedicated than a pact of mischief or inconsistent booty calls that were as far as romance had gone for him.

“That and researching,” Griffin wrapped him in the care of her admission to keep him steady when all he ever got from confessions were headaches since he was the one that had to deal with the consequences and protect his clients from them. “This might seem like fun and games but it should be taken seriously.” Her gaze darkened with all the ways in which their game could go wrong casting their shadows over it.

“Now I feel a little left behind,” Valtor admitted since hiding in them would only make them thicker until they swallowed her. He’d said they were together in it only to leave her all alone against the future so that he could jerk off to the past she’d given him and the fantasies his own mind was stuffed to the brim with.

“No worries,” Griffin’s playful tone shined a light on his heart through the bars guilt had trapped it in. “Just follow my lead. Isn’t that what this is all about anyway?” she smiled and he couldn’t breathe to not disrupt the rhythm of her self-assuredness with a movement she hadn’t set out to cause.

“Better get comfortable with it then,” he murmured as he put all his efforts into assembling the words she wanted from the blubbering mess she’d rendered his mind into so quickly. It was far easier to surrender his body to her but there was more to being her submissive and he’d be damned if he missed his chance to be good in the one thing he genuinely wanted to excel at after he’d put so much work and time into things his heart didn’t beat for. He’d given his life to things far less deserving of it than she was.

“Well,” Griffin tilted her head, “used to it, at least,” she said, perfectly still in her chair as her voice leaped for him and sent his heart racing – not to escape from it but to dive into the mischievousness spilling from her. “I am not sure how much room there is for comfort in the role you’ve chosen for yourself,” she drawled out, the feeling of her shoe brushing against his calf jolting his whole body as if she’d nipped at his neck to drain every coherent thought out of him.

“Griffin, please,” he clutched at the chair as if that would help him piece back together his breathing pattern that was responding to the pressure of her shoe against his leg but was too scattered to be described as following the map she was drawing. “I have only so much focus and you are testing it already.” To put it mildly. He didn’t dare let go of the chair for he would grab her arms and pull her in his lap where he’d be the one with access to her body instead of the plaything she held in the palm of her hand. “You may want to slow down if I am to last to the end of this conversation.” Slow down with the teasing that was. Too much time to think and he would just end up in the bedroom again even if she wanted him in the kitchen with her.

“Okay,” Griffin dropped her foot to the floor and adjusted in her chair allowing him to stop gripping at his. “But meet me halfway and concentrate.” That wasn’t supposed to be so hard with all of his focus grounded under the sole of her shoe. His thoughts didn’t even slide up her leg to the surprise she had for him under her coat. Instead, they were on the breath she used as her pause before she spoke again. “You could use the practice in the future.” Her eyes were on him looking for the line she couldn’t have crossed when she hadn’t moved an inch.

“Already having plans for my attention?” Valtor arched an eyebrow to give tangibility to his interest.

The corners of her mouth twitched up. “Ideas maybe,” her voice was just playful enough for him to feel secure in what the future had to offer, yet she didn’t let her control betray both of them. “But it all has to wait until we’ve figured out the basics,” the seriousness threaded itself back into her words to weave a safe experience in the present that he could fall into like it was the sanctuary she turned his bed into with her presence.

“Right,” he let himself follow her directions. “Let’s do that then so you can start figuring me out.” If she hadn’t already.

“I like the sound of that.” Griffin smiled at him to support her words and his heart. “Okay, the first thing I want to ask you is what your expectations of this... arrangement are,” the tension in her face spoke as much of her nervousness as it did of her displeasure with the word she’d chosen.

He could have sighed in relief that she hadn’t taken more time to ponder it if his whole body didn’t stiffen. “What do you mean what my expectations are?” his muscles were torn between leaning forward in his attempt to understand or leaning as far backwards as he could until he fell out of the conversation.

“Okay,” Griffin said, “I’ll go first to illustrate what I mean.”

She pressed her palm against the table as if the inanimate object was the only thing that could handle the touch of her nerves when Valtor would greatly prefer it on himself. It could thread him back in the loop again instead of leaving him a slave to his own mind.

“I don’t expect you to dive in the depths of submission right off the bat,” Griffin started, her discomfort filling the void cut into the space between them by the sharp contrast of the frankness of her words and her straying gaze. He’d think being so direct would take up all of her energy but avoiding eye contact was using up just as much. “In fact, I want to take it as slowly as we can for both our sake. I don’t have any experience so I don’t expect you to trust me implicitly and I am ready to establish a foundation and work from there. I know what we’re setting out to do requires time and we are both busy with our jobs so I am not trying to delude myself that this will be a daily thing.” All of her words lined up perfectly with her logical nature, yet the light of her eyes was still running away from shining on him. “We’d better assign it to the weekends for now, actually, so that we can take our time.”

Time? She wanted time with him? That wasn’t something anyone had asked him to give and he’d gotten used to clutching at it no matter how hard it made him bleed as it ripped itself free, not meant to be grasped in your hands. Giving it to others had left him all alone with it again, with more than he knew how to handle. He’d tried to squeeze its vast emptiness between piles of paperwork when his fists had been too tired to hold it inside them and he’d had to keep the loneliness away at all costs. Until she showed up and the sound of her breaths was filling not just his apartment but his heart as well for months now.

“These are all good points,” Valtor said, pulling the right string now that his fingers were free to move once again to have her eyes meeting his, “but they are only things you don’t expect of me. I am still unclear on what you do expect of me.”

“Right,” Griffin nodded. “Sorry.” Her gaze plummeted to the ground like a bird filled with lead from a shotgun and he had to suppress the urge to stomp his foot against the floor to confirm it was still underneath him instead of a hole he was just waiting to fall through.

“It’s fine,” Valtor fidgeted with the impulse to touch her physically and not just with his words but the required movements would send too much ripples, the effect of which he couldn’t predict, through the atmosphere around them. “I don’t think I can be so comprehensible when it’s my turn,” he offered instead, hoping that would make her gaze light enough again to resurface in the waters neither of them could see through.

“Well,” Griffin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “I might have thought about this.” She looked at him as if the touch had brought back the memories of his fingers in the purple tresses that had reacquainted her brain with the commands it had to give to let her eyes meet his.

“Good thing you’re the Domme because all I thought about was kneeling for you,” he said to remind her of everything else she was capable of doing with both their bodies and not only. “Which, by the way, was more trust than I’ve ever given anyone else.” His words were far too casual for his own liking but putting any more weight in them would crush him under the unshed tears he couldn’t let his heart bleed on her. She’d already freed him of the struggle not to fall to his knees for her when his pride resisted the idea of bending under the load of the past on his shoulders.

Griffin bit her lip as if she wanted the fantasies to spill out of her, too, but caught herself short and switched to clearing her throat instead. “So... What I expect of you is to tell me if something makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason.” Her gaze wavered again but she was just looking for the words she needed, her eyes on him once she found them. “You didn’t tell me last time, Valtor, and I asked you to tell me if there was any discomfort with any part of what we were doing.” Too bad those were not the words he needed clamping his heart in their vise.

“I didn’t want to stop, Griffin,” his eyes remained locked with hers. Hopefully, not shying away from her gaze at least would let her see through all the dams he put up around him to keep from drowning so that he wouldn’t have to poke holes in them with his voice.

“I know, which is why I didn’t stop,” Griffin gave him more oxygen instead of using that already in him to feed the flames with which her eyes were scorching him. “But you promised to tell me and you didn’t,” she continued pushing at his walls even though they were just the ash left of his life that could crumble under a single breath of hers. Or of his for that matter since that would be enough to push her away.

“There are things from my past I don’t like to talk about,” he tried to keep his voice level despite barely being able to hear himself over the heart thumping in his ears to block her out. Why did she still demand words despite reading right into him? He was not a novel with beautiful prose or poetry.

“I get that,” Griffin’s hands were clasped in her lap as if she was holding her heart between them, holding it back from going out to him. 

He doubted it, doubted speaking could be as hard for her as it was for him when she kept doing it. In fact, her voice reached him again, even over all the barriers he had in place to keep the world out of his being.

“But we need to be honest with each other,” Griffin said. Or maybe she was pleading, but he couldn’t look in her eyes where the truth would be at the risk of seeing tears. He stared at her hands instead. “You need to trust me.” She was clutching so hard at herself and for the first time it occurred to him that maybe she was doing what he’d forced her to since she couldn’t reach out to hold on to him. He’d refused her support. How was she supposed to believe she could seek some from him?

“It wasn’t about trust-”

“To me it was,” her voice was not a cry only because she was betraying her emotions for him, to spare his. “You said you’d tell me and you didn’t. You didn’t trust me and gave me a reason not to trust you.” It wasn’t that she didn’t want to give him her heart. She was just trying to put the broken pieces back together.

“On my end it wasn’t about trust,” Valtor tried to explain. Apologies were not something he did and he had no idea how to fix his mistakes. “It was something that I simply didn’t want to talk about. With anyone.” He would love to let her in but he couldn’t. He couldn’t open the door just to have her look around and run for her life.

“Okay, that’s fair,” Griffin said, coddling his ego because, really, it was not. It was not fair to either one of them but life had never been fair to him so he’d started using that as an excuse for every bad thing he did. Otherwise, he was just your regular asshole. “But I have to be able to trust that you will stop if you need to,” Griffin continued caring for him when he was already busy with that and leaving her at the mercy of the universe that had even less compassion than he did. “You don’t have to tell me more than ‘This is upsetting me and I don’t want to do it right now or at all.’ But I need you to tell me that. Because if you don’t, it tells me you don’t trust me to respect your limits.”

His head snapped up to find her eyes free of the accusations against him like they’d always been with her judgment directed towards herself.

“I won’t be disappointed or angry if you can’t or don’t want to do something, Valtor, I promise.” Griffin pried her hands loose and offered him one far more easily than he could have imagined was possible. “Trust me.”

Valtor reached over his walls to take her hand, not caring how about the strain on his muscles. He couldn’t leave her hanging. “I promise.” He was stunned by the relief coming from her when she squeezed his fingers. Almost as if she was reassured that the lifeline she was holding on to wouldn’t snap under her touch. “What else do you expect from me?” he asked to bring her back on the solid ground she’d made the conversation into with her dedication to planning and research, her dedication to being good for him.

“I expect you to take this seriously,” Griffin grasped at the chance to move on as hard as he was clutching at her, her stern tone only making his fingers close around hers like handcuffs the key to which lay in his heart and it would only release it once it relaxed. “The whole thing ends when you–or I–feel it should but that doesn’t make it a game. If I am going too fast–or too slow–I want you to tell me.”

“You’re circling back to your previous point,” Valtor put all the air he could squeeze out of his frozen lungs into the words to breeze over the chasm they’d just made their way out of. He’d have to let go of her to climb back out if they fell in it again but that would only send him falling further down. It made perfect sense unlike her refusal to cry out in his death grip.

“I just want to be sure we’re on the same page,” Griffin offered more security than a signed paper did with her warmth permeating his fingers to bring back their mobility. “But I accept the feedback, thank you.” She smiled at him. She had a whole novel of body language to catch him in and keep him safe.

“Well, you said to tell you.” He allowed himself to mirror her as she held him right there with her and didn’t let him feel inferior, already taking command of his inner world as well as of the physical plane of existence.

“I did,” the squeeze of her fingers was just playful enough to resonate through him like a promise for what was yet to come. “I want you to adapt your own expectations of me and my abilities,” she shifted back to the conversation as if she hadn’t just stroked the need in him. “I have no experience in this and I don’t know how creative I can get. Don’t expect me to blow your mind with my approach,” she dismissed herself and her ideas so easily despite holding on to his thorns that she made him want to scream at the prickling he felt all over his skin in the atmosphere loaded with her doubts.

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you since you already did.” His mind had been in pieces ever since Sunday, all of them reaching in different directions towards her and the different experiences she could give him while still holding his trust and his satisfaction in the center like they were some divinity on a pedestal. “What else do you expect of me?” he asked to get them closer to bed where they could put her concerns to rest once he was writhing under her touch as she turned his being into a domain of pleasure.

Griffin ran through her mental checklist and the concentration in her expression was so intense it had images of rising flames swallowing him. He barely held himself in his chair with his whole body burning as the only relief lay in taking her face in his hands and kissing off all that sweet care she showed him. It was tempting enough to leave him squirming but it was not what she wanted so he settled for stroking his thumb over her skin instead–hoping it would soothe his impatience or nudge hers awake, he didn’t know–while she took her time.

“I think this covers everything,” Griffin’s gaze returned on him just to see him blindsided.

The confusion chiseled creases in his features as he let go of her hand. “That’s not much.” And yet, he’d already had trouble following it. He was off to a great start.

“Well, neither of us has done this before. Baby steps is fine,” Griffin caught him right there before he could be swallowed in the pit of guilt living in his stomach. It was a surprise he’d managed to build all that muscle mass with his mind constantly digested by that darkness he would’ve gladly traded for a void right in the middle of his body. “Besides, I think you expect more of yourself than I could ever want of you,” Griffin said as if she could see right into it and she was not afraid to enter a staring contest with it even though he himself had always looked away.

“I could say the same to you.” She was so good to him that he didn’t know how to give her his gratitude without overwhelming her. Luckily, that was so much more pleasant to carry around even with the potential weight of turning into just another regret it held in its core.

Griffin chuckled. “Fair enough,” she conceded. “But what do you expect of me?” Her eyes were on him like he was the only thing in the whole universe and the shine of the gold blinded him with its persistence.

“I haven’t really thought about that,” his muscles strained as his whole body got involved in his quest to hold her gaze so that there wouldn’t appear any cracks in it that guilt could fill. Letting that happen would be like crushing her hands in return for the gentleness she’d touched him.

Griffin reached for him to hold him there with her once again. “You can always tell me if anything–anything at all–changes but if you can think of anything now, I’ll be glad to hear it.” Her fingers were almost trembling at the frequency of her anxiousness and it was shaking him too, throwing his mind left and right in his frantic search of a safe place he could pull her into only for him to stumble upon another one of the holes carved in his being that he’d stuffed with his selfishness.

“Just one thing,” he spat out before he could choke on his self-deprecation and let her think it was her fault after she’d always been the one hushing the screeches in his head. “You’ve always done it anyway but I feel like I should mention it...”

“Of course,” Griffin nodded, her fingers brushing over his as if to coax the words out of him.

“When we do a scene,” he swallowed the rising impulse to dash out the door, “I would like you to stay overnight. Especially if it is in the evening. If we sneak a scene in the afternoon or something comes up unexpectedly, I can do with just a bit of pillowtalk but don’t leave me alone with my thoughts late at night.” Her moans and the words she’d said to him while he’d been on his knees had protected him from any doubts trying to cut through him – back then and now as well. “They tend to turn into nightmares that I don’t want to associate this with.” Maybe if he let her touch his tender places, she’d feel the anvil forming in his stomach out of all that iron-clad fear he’d gulped down through the years to keep it from slicing through the flimsy connections he’d made and she’d find a way to take it out without ripping him open in the process. But he had to break down his defenses. She was too considerate to even knock on them if she thought that could hurt him.

“I would like that, too,” Griffin leaned forward as if to let him feel the heat of her body he’d gotten so used to waking up to that the mornings when she wasn’t in his bed felt unreal. “Anything else you expect of me?” her chest heaved with anticipation as if her heart was readying to jump out of it to catch his words and shelter them in itself.

“Maybe some lingerie?” his own pulse was racing towards everything she had for him and was ready to leave the conversation behind despite how palpable it was against his senses. His mind was already huddled snugly between her coat and the warmth of her skin only accentuated by her surprise for him.

“I’ll see what the budget has to say,” Griffin’s practicality grounded him back across from her with only her cleavage in his line of sight for the foreseeable future. “And no, you cannot buy me lingerie until further notice.”

“Is that an order?” Valtor asked to add some mischief in case that was not what her words were made of. Keeping him guessing was a pretty solid bet when it came to her reason to forbid his interference but there were other signs to take into account and he just hoped it wasn’t the edge of a banknote threatening to slice into her vocal cords if they didn’t make the sounds. The only edge they both had to teeter was that of pleasure.

“Consider it one.” Griffin’s fingers moving lazily between his confirmed his success as her leisurely attempt at getting a grip on his mind teased him further. As if her words hadn’t been enough to bring back the feeling of the floor under his knees as he’d let himself sink in his submission to her.

“Yes, Madam.” There was a hardness pressing into his mind and he couldn't tell if it was the tangibility of the memories or the eagerness to reenact them, only that whatever it was had his pants feeling too tight as they constricted his erection. “Did I get it?” He grabbed at the possibility to make it worse for himself since he didn’t have the autonomy to grab at relief.

Griffin shook her head as if to get rid of the amusement trying to take over her face and he had to be grateful for it did things to him even if it was lacking the definitiveness of an answer. “We’re not there yet,” Griffin refused him mercy. “I want you to pick a safeword.” She had him suck in a breath, his body obeying her whims. “I want it to be as easy as possible for you to remember so I think it should be something of your own choosing.”

He drew the composure he presented her with from his experience in the courtroom while his insides tried to find their respective places again so that his tongue wouldn’t be all the way down in his stomach and his heart would return in his chest that was just as warm now as his hand she was still holding. “Okay, let’s see...” he faked deep contemplation. “I’m thinking of “bookworm” but then again, I never know when that may pop up in the conversation.” He bit his lower lip in a challenge for her to be the one sinking her teeth into it as her mouth opened.

“You’re lucky you still haven’t picked a safeword because that remark gives grounds to need one,” her intonation was bending to accommodate the question mark she let sneak at the end of her sentence.

“Are you going to spank me?” Valtor left enough crumbs for her to have a good taste of the cake and draw her out of the dark forest of her cautiousness. If that didn’t work out, he’d have to dive after the shine of her eyes and lead her out himself. He was lucky she’d already let him catch her in his hands.

“Would you consider that a punishment or a reward?” Griffin still treaded slowly, touching every curve of his words as if she didn’t have a clear enough picture of what he wanted from her, as if she needed to scrub any roughness from her skin before she laid it on his. And he’d only hurt in the rawness left from her missing parts if she made herself bleed in her quest to save him.

“Now I am curious to see what punishment you will pick for me since you can see through me so well,” he gave her green light to wash away all the red in both their heads.

“That can be arranged once you’ve chosen a safeword,” Griffin wasn’t quick to speed ahead in the free space he’d cleared for her without giving him her reins to hold on to. She was just being a responsible Domme, he knew, but with her it was always more. He always felt more, safer, in her lack of hastiness and desperation. She always asked permission before sinking her teeth in him and his heart was pounding in hopes of catching her interest and feeling the pearly smoothness of her bite.

“A safeword. Okay...” His mind was flooded with legal terms and plant names, parts of book titles and poems, exotic spices and space phenomena, even locations history had taken off the map before he could have taken her to see the beauty they’d held, yet nothing was catching his attention the same way her presence had commanded him to a stop when he’d first met her. “It has to be something unique,” he muttered to himself as he dug deeper into the time they’d spent together to reach something true to her essence she lavished on his life. “I’ll go with ellipsis.” It marked an unfinished for one reason or another thought so it sounded appropriate for the mindlessness she soaked him in with her dominance. “I trust you know why.”

Any stiffness fell off her face as her lips stretched into a conspiratorial grin. “I do. And while “ellipsis” is a bit of an unorthodox choice, that was exactly the point.” Griffin patted his knee, more in a test rather than to praise him for the idea. “Are you sure you can remember it?” she asked, the concern real in her voice despite her theatrics.

Valtor took a deep breath clenching his hand into a fist at the side of his chair while he held her gaze, the gold boring into him as if she was looking to catch in it how affected he was by the simple gesture and immortalize the moment. “I could never forget it,” he found his words even amidst her teasing and padded them with the image of the lavender sticky note she’d left on his fridge before heading to her meeting with Ediltrude and Zarathustra. It had sported only an ellipsis in her written promise to continue from where his work had interrupted them and the three little dots had set the rhythm of his thoughts with the power they held. He couldn’t forget something that consumed his whole mind and it would be right at home in the heat of his submission.

“Good.” Griffin smirked like he’d played her the memory of what her little idea had done to him. As if she hadn’t extracted all the details around it from him when she’d come back from her meeting. “Now to talk hard limits,” she schooled her features again since they’d found their path to bed back then but they still had more work to do in the present.

“You want to go first?” he asked, pushing the things popping into his mind back down into the blackness they’d come out of before she could read too much into them like they were inked letters. His memories had always been unrefined with their edges cutting into each other and making them bleed all over the place. It was like having put clothes in various colors in the washing machine and taking out something that looked like you’d dumped all your paint on the canvas at once. There were hues and nuances that he didn’t want to hurt her eyes with.

“I would actually like to focus on yours first,” Griffin squeezed his fingers – encouraging and not rushing him but the firmness in the action didn’t leave space for attempts at weaseling out of her grip. The commanding energy was compelling enough to sway him into following through but the awareness of his resistance was poking holes into the moment like it was a cellulose napkin.

Valtor sifted through the laundry in his mind turning everything inside out to present her with the white side that wouldn't repulse her with stains. If she weren’t holding his hand, he might have tried to stitch together a cover for his dirt even though he’d never been good at sewing. But he was great at ripping things apart with the lies he shoved down the throats of those close enough to see inside him when he was falling apart at the seams. “The first that comes to mind is name calling. I know it’s not really a big deal, especially with someone you trust-”

“You won’t even hear me mention it to you,” Griffin cut in to tie his unraveling ends and make him feel like a tapestry in her hands that she was weaving carefully to take home. She was only pulling out the threads he didn’t need to free him from the extra weight. “Though, I am curious how you sort through your porn in that case.”

Valtor almost pulled away in case her fingers were probing around for the delete button while she held his gaze. “Assuming I watch porn.” He could assume she wasn’t looking for a reason to block his phone number but he’d already baited his own heart too deep into their relationship to bear the sight of what they had dangling from a hook like dead meat. He never would’ve thought surfing the internet could hide that particular danger before he’d gotten dumped like a fish out of water.

“You mean you stick to reading erotica? Because I am pretty sure you can’t think of a Dominant/submissive dynamic if you don’t see it somewhere first.” Griffin pulled him in the flow of heat coming from her gaze. She hadn’t given him permission to be cold, much less to give her the cold shoulder.

Valtor sighed theatrically. “Touché,” he surrendered now that the net of the memory was blown away. “Not all of us can have the qualifications of a literary critic.” He wasn’t sure he’d ever manage to pick out a book she’d enjoy half as much as he’d loved her recommendations to him.

“I never said I stuck only to the books myself,” Griffin shrugged so casually. As if she hadn’t just taken more weight off his shoulders sending him off balance with how unused he was to feeling this light.

“Oh, Miss Sylvane, what secrets does your browser history hide?” he pulled himself up to the familiarity of their banter taking deep breath after deep breath amidst his marvel of the lack of strain in his muscles. It had never been so easy to fill himself with air in the presence of another person without worrying about either one of them stealing oxygen from the other.

“You can stop that,” Griffin didn’t even have to move to make his lungs halt. “You’ll get to know how to address me when I decide to tell you,” she had him gasping right on cue. She was in no need of a title when she’d claimed his eagerness to be hers. “Back to the hard limits now.”

Even his thoughts obeyed the melody of her voice despite their perpetual lack of discipline. “This one kind of goes with the name calling but humiliation is really off putting to me. I know that’s broad but I am not sure where the borders of it lie.” Perhaps he could do other things that bled into that or perhaps they would have to cross anything even leaning towards it off their to-do list. Only time and trying would tell. For now he couldn't stomach the image of any taunts leaving her lips to fall on his ears and crush his spirit or of her hands pushing him into a situation designed to be his downfall. Even if it was pretend. His mind couldn't draw a clear line between reality and play when it was trembling like a seismometer amidst a severe earthquake.

“We’ll have to find them together.” Griffin gave him a small smile as if she was afraid that making it bigger could shove ugly implications between them. “Feel free to tell me every single thing that you want kept out of our scenes and to discuss with me everything you’re not sure about. I am absolutely okay with the possibility of talking out a scene taking longer than the scene itself. I just want to know you’re comfortable with everything we’re doing.”

His fingers twitched in response. “Something else that is really a no is age play,” he had to move them on before he could grab at her latest invitation to open up his mind to her fully. He didn’t want to bruise her with the impact. “Also, I will betray the conceptions about my gender and say I am not up for threesomes.” His attempt at humor fell flat but that was much better than letting her down as he inevitably would once his voice refused to come out anymore. “I couldn't... do this with anyone... who isn’t you.” He sighed as if to push the words closer to her now that he’d found the right ones.

“Of course,” Griffin nodded, not dropping any hints as to whether her stiffness was due to his confession or the idea that she would have wanted to do anything involving his limits. “What else?” she asked, encouraging him to give her more boundaries to keep to like no one else had ever shown the respect to do.

“I can’t think of anything else currently.” There was certainly more but with no experience in that kind of thing that was as much as he could do for the moment.

“I’m sorry,” Griffin jerked her hand out of his to clutch at herself. Her eyes were on her lap to pile in it all the burden she was generating from his words as if it was the power she needed to self-destruct because of the fatal flaw in the code of her machinery that threatened him in some way. “I should have given you more time to think about it. I was so lost in preparing myself-”

Valtor cupped her cheek breathing out his relief that she didn’t pull away from him. “Griffin, it’s okay.” It would be better if he could catch her eye but conquering her bodily autonomy would be a step in the wrong direction. “You said it yourself. We can always make changes to our terms.”

She looked at him to let his heart slow down now that it didn’t have to pump hope that she’d do that through him to keep him going. “There are small and specific things that can fall into hard limits, too.” He could see the teardrops forming as if she’d summoned them to send them to track down the little crumbs of information he should have offered freely.

“You have a point.” As much as he didn’t want to admit it since there was no point to her crying about him. There was no logic to it, and he was twisting her into something she wasn’t. “But this is not all on you.” He had to set the record straight even if that could see her written out of his path. “I asked you to do this and I should have taken some time to think about it myself. I was too busy thinking of the action that I forgot there were technical bits to consider as well and how important they are.” How important they would be to her. He’d made it all about himself like he always did even when she was already doing that and there had to be someone to think about her as well, about her well-being and not just about her body. “We’ll just have to adapt to the situation and go from there. Baby steps, right?” he fell back on her words since his own could never have the soothing effect he was looking for.

“Right,” Griffin nodded, her fingers clutching at his wrist. “Okay,” she sniffed, leaving him wishing he had the power to conjure her a handkerchief but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t let her fall apart no matter how ridiculous it was that he was the one thing holding her together. “But we will discuss everything before we do it just to make sure neither of us is going to overstep in any way.” Her tear-filled gaze could melt even the ice of his own, even that around his throat that made it impossible to push any words out.

“Sounds good to me.” He’d talk. He’d put even the beats of his heart in words as long as it wouldn’t let him hear her sobs. It was rare of her to break down in his arms but holding her in his fear that he couldn't put her pieces back together cut through him like his soul was a glass her cries had shattered. He would do anything to keep the water from carving into her cheeks like it was making its bed there to return again and again. “As long as you make an exception for right now and keep the surprise a surprise.” He pushed down the internal debate of whether it was selfishness driving the course he set to focus on the good it would do her to witness his reaction to her idea.

Griffin hesitated about breathing again. “If that’s what you want,” her voice trembled like she was trying to disintegrate the responsibility of his choice before she let him take it.

Valtor nodded.

“Okay.” Griffin pulled his hand in her lap to thread their fingers together like they’d been. “Let’s talk about punishments,” the words stumbled into him as if they hadn’t noticed he was in the way in their haste to get away from her. “You seemed enthusiastic about them.”

“I am.” She’d held back from taxing his offenses the previous time, whether because it was their first try or because they hadn’t had any limits and a safeword set but he wanted to explore that part of submission as well. It wouldn't be complete if he didn’t own up to his failures. “I will gladly make up for any mistake as long as it isn’t accompanied by shaming.” She wouldn’t do that to him. But just being able to say the words left him breathing more easily, the movements of his lungs almost excited at the sensations he could allow himself to experience with her.

She opened her mouth only for her teeth to sink in her lip. She chewed on it for a moment to decide whether she wanted to object to his wording before she let it go. ”What forms of punishment will be acceptable to you and to what extent?”

Now that was a tricky question. There were many fantasies he’d stashed as far back under his bed as he’d been able to, afraid that they’d break not only it, but also him if he let them on the mattress without the trust needed to support them. And then there were the ones he’d thrown away like they were hot coals scorching his hands. He’d need to go back through all of those to see if he could stand the weight and the heat now that he had her to lean on and be his shield. After all, the idea of letting anyone dominate him had been stuffed somewhere in the dark under a shoe box and he’d maintained thigh-riding left him too passive for him to enjoy it until he’d been clutching at Griffin’s waist to not get carried away.

“Valtor-” Griffin interrupted herself to search for the words when she’d misread his lack of such. “I wouldn’t want anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can limit our play as much as you need to. This is for both of us to enjoy even when you submit to me. Even when we’re dealing with a punishment.” The gold in her eyes was so soft that the slightest movement would doom it to wear the mark left behind forever. “I want you to be a spent, satisfied mess at the end of a scene, not an emotional wreck.”

Valtor sucked in a breath. “And I know I can be in your hands.” He lifted the one he was holding to his lips to put a kiss on it and his gratitude for all the security she’d given him. “The thing is that I am not entirely sure. About the punishments. There are certain things I could see myself both enjoying and not so much and I am relieved we agreed to discuss everything before doing it,” that was a first, “because those will need to be tackled separately and on the spot.” Griffin’s fingers squeezing his gently were the only thing keeping him in his chair when he wanted to run away like the thoughts in his mind were doing. He set out to hunt them down and put them in her patient hands instead. “I can see myself being into having privileges withheld from me when I am in the right headspace. Like, for example, not being allowed to wear clothes while you’re in full formal attire.”

Griffin narrowed her eyes theatrically. “Is this you giving me a hint?”

He did his best to look away and act as if he’d been caught red-handed but it was hard with the warmth of her palm in his. “Maybe.”

Her free hand slid up his thigh. “I don’t necessarily need the help to torment you,” her fingertips inched higher and swerved inward, “but I will certainly take it.” Just a push of his hips was all he needed to have her cupping him through his pants but her palm ended up pressed into his abs under his T-shirt in a sequence of actions he couldn't comprehend.

It had him inhaling like he was trying to suck back in the words that he’d lost. “If there’s one thing that I know for certain will never be a problem, that is corporeal punishment,” he managed through the steam rising in his mind at the playful movements of her fingers as she teased around his waistband hooking her fingers under it just to pull and smirk at the gasp leaving him as the fabric hit his skin again the moment she released it. “You can’t possibly reach my pain limit,” he added as her hand stiffened against his abdomen. The sensation was almost painful against his tender flesh.

Griffin gave him a look he couldn't understand unless he reached the same place it was coming from and he didn’t know how to go that deep inside his own soul. “I will not do anything to you that will leave any remotely lasting damage, Valtor. It is one of my hard limits.” It could have been the stillness of her hand against his abs that led her words all the way to his heart as if that was where they were meant to be or it could have been his own imagination running loose with fantasies. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence with her in his mind.

“However much you’re comfortable with,” Valtor rubbed over her forearm to let her soak up as much support as she needed. “It’s just that you can still work your way through different impact play implements without leaving any damage.” Perhaps it wasn’t the right moment but her gentle nudges had worked miracles. Maybe she could use one too.

Griffin seemed to absorb the intent whether thanks to his delivery or to the contact of their skin and her fingers were moving over his abdomen again in soothing motions that lulled her as much as they did him. “I will take that into consideration if you’re really sure you want it,” she said, no trembling in her voice or hands.

“I do.” Valtor watched as the remaining tension drained from her shoulders as if the three letters he’d said were magical. “Now given your words, I doubt we will run into a problem with this but... body modification is something I simply can’t allow.” It wasn’t the pain he was avoiding, or at least not the physical kind. There were already holes in his life where people had used to be but those he’d gladly cut around, making them bigger as he’d thrown away the memories he’d been left with as well. Griffin’s departure–should it ever happen–would tear his soul too harshly with all the moments she’d given him piercing it like little diamonds he’d be crazy to give away for him to carry traces on his body as well. “You can have my bodily autonomy under your control in any other way but not that.” He swallowed, almost choking on his own lack of trust and readiness to be truly hers.

“Thank you for the honesty,” Griffin was now holding both his hands out of the simmering lava his brain was melting into. “I really appreciate the efforts you’re putting in this,” she let him rest in her gaze instead, feeding him sweetness exceeding that of honey to heal the burns on his tongue.

He’d barely done anything. If that was all she needed to be pleased with him, he could do it. He could be good for her. Enough so to meet her standards at least even if she deserved the whole universe put in her hands to steer with her kindness and compassion and make just as beautiful and enticing to the senses as she was doing with his existence.

“I have to ask you,” Griffin’s fingers moved over his skin as if to trace a path for her words with their tenderness and he let the rising alarm in him be swayed. “How do you feel about anal sex?”

He froze, waiting for the trap from his past to click closed around him again and cut off his contact with her. The only thing moving were the memories from just a few moments ago sliding through all that time between at a glacial pace to warm his lips enough to let them open for his voice to come out as he struggled to find her body heat through the crust of ice covering him. He needed proof she was still there to hear him speak. The echo of an empty room would shatter his heart to pieces.

“What do you mean with that?” his voice sounded just like nails on chalkboard – scratching over the space she had to explain to destroy it and leave her no way of communicating.

“I’m not really sure how many things I can mean by ‘Do you want to have anal sex?’” Griffin asked, her tone far from the scathing sass he needed to snap him out of the war zone in his head. She was probing again to the only possible result of cutting herself on the pieces of shrapnel scattered all over his being.

“Are you asking me whether I am willing to be on the giving end or the receiving one?” he pulled the breath he needed out of his lungs to put the relic she was looking around for in her hands and send her on her way to a safe distance from his ticking emotional response.

Griffin closed her fingers around him like handcuffs that only sentenced her. “Both.”

“Oh.”

“You’re only down for one of those?” Griffin asked, her body still touching his–almost the same way she grasped at him at the times she needed him to hold her through her pleasure–yet he could feel her mind slipping through the slit the edge of her trust was tearing in the sheets of their play as it dragged behind her with nothing to balance its weight on his end. He would lose her if she opened her fingers to catch herself.

“Not exactly.” That proved intriguing enough to hold her attention on him a little longer. “Have you had anal sex before?” He was just stalling giving her what she was after. Her experience wouldn't change his in any way. It couldn't. And no one could be after a truth like that.

“No,” Griffin provided her answer instantly. Honesty came naturally to her with no shame to taint her existence red like blood. “Have you?”

“Once.” It had been enough to bring down his house of cards that was as permanent a construction as he had the power to build in his unstable being. “I was not well prepared to top and I hurt him.” He’d played his hand so wrong that there’d been no winner. He’d lost himself, or at least a part of what had never been whole.

“Him?” Griffin’s surprise passed her face and ran all the way down into her fingers instead. They loosened as if the question he’d written all over her brain was prying them off with the mark in its end. He should have told her that time she’d revealed her dating experience extended to women as well but there’d been no telling what she would’ve been able to feel up with her hands on him. There were debris of his love life poking from every inch of his body.

“I have had a few sexual encounters with men over the years but never went all the way.” Hopefully, she wouldn't want a closer look. Walking around the ruins of his past relationships–or whatever they had been since most of them didn’t have the qualifications to pass as such–could prove to be suicidal.

“Except that one time?” Griffin opened the door to that particular memory carefully, her fingers barely curling around the rusty doorknob. Her face was calm as she proceeded instead of twisted in disgust, as if her goal was to move without disturbing anything inside him even though every floorboard was creaking already.

“Yes.” He didn’t talk about that mistake but it was a whole suitcase taking up strength and space from his body and head and maybe he could finally unpack it, one word at a time to not overwhelm her–or himself–as he handed them to her to put away. “I thought I knew what I was doing, but then again I always do. My ego was so big I couldn’t see around it. I had lube and a condom and I thought I was set to go. I went slow at the beginning and everything seemed all right but once I decided he’d settled, I picked up the pace and barely needed a few minutes to make him scream at me to stop.” The vicarious pain was haunting him now since it hadn’t kicked him to the ground to render him harmless back then. “With some more research I realized my mistake but he didn’t want to hear of it. Or of me.” He chuckled forcedly, the pathetic sound much better than the sound of his unanswered call for forgiveness still ringing in his head. “He said my pride was so important to me he felt like a third wheel.” The sentence had ran over his ego and still hadn’t managed to kill it, only mutilate it until it was an even bigger abomination than it had been before.

Griffin wasn’t in a rush to fuck up with her judgment but it had his heartbeat overcompensating for her silence that his frantic mind was warping in a rite to send his hope of her speaking to him again off before burying it. Her voice burst like fireworks against his ears despite her contained tone that matched her consideration, “I would like to tell you he overreacted–and maybe he did even in the context of your pride since it sounds like it was an honest mistake if a bit blindsided–but I understand his point of view.” He had his verdict but it was the warmth of her fingers sealing the moment in his brain like it was a letter so special it was closed with a wax seal stamp with a sun engraved in it. It had him trusting it could hold her presence safe within. “I’ve had to deal with the same thing.”

His eyes narrowed to lessen the possibility of catching her red-handed in the midst of crafting a lie. “You said you haven’t tried anal sex.” His fingers flexed as if to grab at the present and stretch it around them in a cloudless existence before her breath could blow it away.

“I haven’t,” Griffin’s even voice kept him on edge with no movement in either direction. It was the equivalent of the quiet in a horror movie just before a jump scare. “But I’ve had an unfortunate deep-throating experience with one of my partners.” She paused, clutching at him once again – to keep herself in her chair or him in his. “He kept forcing himself down my throat even as I was gagging, barely giving me time to breathe.”

He certainly wanted to jump now – out of terror for her and hatred for the faceless monster. “That doesn’t sound too consensual,” he said instead, not entirely convinced she wanted to discuss it but he couldn't kill his voice as well if he didn’t get to rage the way he wanted to.

“I honestly don’t know what it was,” Griffin gave him his answer since she was smart enough to tell what was healthy and what fell far, far away from that. “I was just glad it was over. Not just the sex but the relationship as well.” She looked lost for a second before she was back with him as if to rub it in the past’s face that it didn’t have a hold on her anymore. “I don’t know if he expected me to be some sort of a private porn star he could treat as such but I should have gotten a clue when he wouldn't stop complaining I wouldn’t give him oral sex every time even though he knew I didn’t like it. He used to call me selfish for it and I might have been but that was because if I weren’t looking after my interests, he certainly wouldn’t have been.”

“I’m just glad he didn’t scar you for life.” While he had no right to judge considering his own approach to his ex partner, it was exactly that experience that had taught him the kind of responsibility that being the leading party came with. The kind of responsibility that he was leaving in her hands. And he was only making it harder with his refusal to communicate.

“Well, it might have taken a few sessions of the twins coming up with the most obscene insults you have heard to send his way to get me over the whole thing.” A smile broke out on her face. It was contained by the sadness the memories were edged with but it was good to see she hadn’t been made to switch to only showing her teeth as a warning to back off. “And a few tips from a friend who is a therapist to make sure there was no lingering trauma.”

That took him aback, making him do the impossible and have his heart be the one to control his muscles into stillness that had less chances of being misinterpreted. “I suppose it was successful if you found it in yourself to try again.” Perhaps he was pushing in the wrong direction and should have let her steer them out of her pain but he had that image of her eagerness while she sucked him off–and even took him all the way in her throat–that was worth a million words and he wanted to hear every single one of them.

“I don’t think you realize why that was.” Flames danced in her eyes to make her gaze a golden river ready to sweep him off his feet and carry him in its steady flow for eternity.

“Why?” he gasped out.

“Because of you,” Griffin was touching his heart without having to push her hand in his ribcage–he was still holding both of them as proof of that–and the painless sensation was so consuming it was spreading over his past to cover it up in a new layer of emotion. “You said that you never trusted anyone else to kneel for them. Well, you can say the same happened to me. After that whole thing, I never trusted a man to get down on my knees for him,” she held the pain out of her eyes while they were on him. “And then I met you.” She was repainting blossoms over the shadows sticking to his walls.

“You mean... you didn’t learn to do deep-throating, you learned to deep-throat me?” Saying it out loud was easier than he could have imagined, his lips entranced with the idea despite the struggle of his brain to go down the familiar neural pathways of self-doubt.

Griffin nodded. “You made me want to do it. I trusted you not to hurt me with that and I trust you not to hurt me with anything else.” She not only didn’t drag him into picking up her mess, but also extended to him the courtesy of not blinding him as she shined the light of her eyes in his to help him sort through his own baggage. “You don’t have to figure it out on your own,” she was still holding him in a closed chain that wasn’t the vicious circle his mind had been spinning into like a guinea pig in a running wheel. “We can do that together.”

The corners of his mouth twitched up but there were more layers to shed before he could wrap her in himself. “For now you can mark me down for pegging.” If she could disentangle the barb wire that his emotions were without prickling either one of them to blood, then she could be allowed to play with his body however she wanted.

“Well,” Griffin let him catch more than just a glimpse of her tongue, “who said it has to be done with a toy?” her fingers wriggled between his like serpents writhing in the warmth of the sun rays only to have his mind slithering in the gutter.

“Now you’re just trying to tempt me,” he murmured, his clarity of mind gone to the desire awakening in him again like it was spring time.

“You already sound past the point of temptation.” Well, she had him there. “So I guess my job here is done and I can move on to the next question.” She smirked at him. “How do you feel about orgasm control and orgasm denial?”

Oh. They were back to the playful parts. Playful in theory, at least. There was plenty of room behind her collected facade for her to be hiding wicked plans and he couldn't wait to venture beneath the surface. “I... wouldn’t really know that. I haven’t tried it before.” He held his lower lip between his teeth before letting go of it and allowing himself to smile. “You will be my first.”

“That’s proving to be a regular occurrence before we have even started.” Griffin had the look of an explorer that had just stumbled across an ancient city untouched for ages and he held his breath as the gate opened to let her in when there was no threat of destruction in her hands.

“It does sound potentially hot.” Their little experiment the previous weekend didn’t count without any deliberate intention on her part to deny him. It had just been a side effect of the timing and the priority of her pleasure over his, which seemed like a potential constant of the dynamic they were diving into but having her falling apart in his mouth was satisfying enough in and of itself. “As long as you won’t be cruel enough to deny me too long,” he teased now that he still had the power to return the favor. And it was a much more pleasant sound than the thoughts falling like boulders in his mind to hit all the sensitive places the idea was already rubbing against like too tight rope bondage. He would need to be eased into that to have his fingers loosen their grip on the sheets of pleasure he was clutching at in his fear of never landing in them again.

“I’m taking mental notes.” Griffin grinned at him and it was like she’d pulled the curtains to let some sunshine in his dusty attic stuffed with memories shattered like Christmas ornaments fallen from an overly adorned tree. It had the pieces shimmering like snow caught in a patch of light.

“Of the wrong parts, I’m guessing?” he scowled in pretend. Joking around was easy with the seriousness and care her whole approach demonstrated to fall back on. She wouldn’t have to catch him. She was already holding him.

“While you’re pondering your choices,” she made it a point to let her smugness unfold in the short pause she used for emphasis, “I’d like to know your relationship with role playing.”

“I am not pondering any choices except yours to set this conversation at the current time.” Valtor licked his lips to keep her attention where it needed to be. It was the miracle all of her was that he was still hard after he’d been made weak in the knees for an entirely different reason. “I would like to take the time to think about everything you’ve brought to my attention... which, admittedly, I should have done already but all my thoughts have been on you all week and now that you’re finally here, my head is definitely not getting any clearer.” Especially now that they were out of the swamp of memories of relationships past and he was on his way to becoming a puddle in her fantasy again.

“Okay, I may have miscalculated the moment to have this conversation,” Griffin raised her hands and his heart was ready to sink in his own surrender as soon as she gave the signal. “About my hard limits,” she didn’t let herself drop the conversation quite as fast, “they actually coincide with yours to a high degree. No name calling, no humiliation, no lasting damage of any kind, no age play, no other people involved, and also, no home porn.”

Valtor nodded, storing the seeds of information in his mind. It would take some doing to protect them from decaying in her wetness on his skin but she’d taught him enough gardening for him to handle it. “And by the way, I am fine with role play.” He breathed in and out. “More than that, actually, considering this was my idea and I think we are far from the point where we would call it a lifestyle.” That had his heart racing in a fight-or-flight response when he would do both to get them to a point where they shared a life and the way of living it.

“Point taken,” Griffin’s hands were in her lap, fingers splayed over her coat as if in an attempt to imitate the feeling of soil under her feet. “I was going to ask about soft limits but I have a feeling you don’t feel like discussing those right now.”

“Not really.”

“We’ll skip it. For now,” she held his gaze for a moment as if to weave a promise in the colors of their eyes that bound them together. “But I have to ask you this – is there anything specific you would want included in aftercare?”

After... No one had reached the point of care for him before, none of his previous partners bothering with anything more than cuddling that couldn't even be called that without the emotional investment that the word implied. It’d been just bodies pressed against his in an illusion tasked with alleviating the loneliness that had only gone around it and fallen in every crack and every hole between him and whoever else was warming his bed.

“I think that my request to spend the night with me after we’ve done a scene falls in this category,” the questioning intonation slowly seeped out of him along with his breath at her reassurance he had the right concept. “Also, maybe reading me a book? Perhaps.” The land of dreams was always within reach with her in his embrace but her voice filled his head as well as his room with beauty. “I mean, I don’t know what I would be in the mood for at any given point in time but-”

“I would like that.”

“You would?” he asked, still riding the high of the sound wave she’d made just for him. It would take some getting used to her spending her energy on him even if she’d been doing it for months.

“Yes,” Griffin smiled at him, offering a hand on every step of the way so that he wouldn't have to walk it alone. “I think it sounds lovely. Curled up in bed with you and a book – two of my favorite activities combined,” she had his heart fluttering like a butterfly ready to fly out of its cocoon. It sure would love to return the caresses she gave it. “Could hardly get better.”

He had to push his luck when she wouldn't run away. “If we add tea maybe... Bookworm.” Her exaggerated scowl found itself face to face with his feigned contemplation. “Or should I say “leafworm” to refer to both the books and the tea?”

“You might want to remember your “ellipsis”.” Oh, so his cheek was the way to push the button for punishment? That was exactly the information his search was supposed to show up along with the confirmation that they’d cleared out the malfunctions.

“Right after you tell me how to address you.” How was he to find his way into her orders otherwise?

Griffin gave a bit of a sigh. “No point in stalling more. You are to address me as Griffin.” She didn’t even take the time for a dramatic pause and left that to him instead. Though, his was more an attempt to cope with the shock.

“Just... Griffin?” He was just lucky her name fit inside his mind like a diamond in a safe. And it was his in-case-of-emergency plan behind the glass since he wouldn't manage to find any other words inside.

Griffin arched an eyebrow in a subtle monument of her dominance. “My name is not good enough for you?”

“It is, of course.” His own screams of pleasure had never spilled out of his mouth so quickly despite the strength of his spite directed at the universe and his lifelong quest to beat it in the game for his happiness. “But how am I to differentiate the image of you during a scene and the one you present the rest of the time?”

“You’re not.” The words were coming from Griffin, yet it was his mouth hanging open. “You call my name and it all rushes into your head, memories of both sides mingling together.” She leaned so close, he wouldn't have been able to see her cleavage even if he could have moved. “Have fun trying to solve the case of separating them when they’re all me,” she whispered in his ear to have him swallowing, his cock twitching in his pants.

“Oh, that’s...” Cruel? Genius? Everything he’d hoped for? All things that he couldn't tell her. Mainly because he couldn't find the right words to express all the motions inside him while he sat paralyzed in the position she’d wanted him in.

“Well, now that you’re already at a loss for words,” Griffin stood up, her hands finding the lowest button on her coat, “I can give you your surprise.”

She didn’t wait for a response that she’d foreseen wouldn't come as he watched her work, each button popping open like a chain snapping loose and he would kneel for her once he was free if she didn’t want something else. Whatever peek at her intentions there was between the slowly parting sides of her coat was concealed in her refusal to let him see before she allowed it and he could only sit through his own surrender intently.

The last button came undone to send his heart shooting up in his throat and Griffin pulled the coat open in a grand reveal that had his jaw drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.


End file.
